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losmags
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 54
0 km · County Mayo
Forum
Sorry Ted.... Ye know I'm only pulling ye leg....
I Am The Highway - Audioslave
Jax
Master of Sex
Bride and Groom Lie Hidden for Three Days - Ted Hughes
She gives him his eyes, she found them
Among some rubble, among some beetles
He gives her her skin
He just seemed to pull it down out of the air and lay it over her
She weeps with fearfulness and astonishment
She has found his hands for him, and fitted them freshly at the wrists
They are amazed at themselves, they go feeling all over her
He has assembled her spine, he cleaned each piece carefully
And sets them in perfect order
A superhuman puzzle but he is inspired
She leans back twisting this way and that, using it and laughing
Incredulous
Now she has brought his feet, she is connecting them
So that his whole body lights up
And he has fashioned her new hips
With all fittings complete and with newly wound coils, all shiningly oiled
He is polishing every part, he himself can hardly believe it
They keep taking each other to the sun, they find they can easily
To test each new thing at each new step
And now she smoothes over him the plates of his skull
So that the joints are invisible
And now he connects her throat, her breasts and the pit of her stomach
With a single wire
She gives him his teeth, tying the the roots to the centrepin of his body
He sets the little circlets on her fingertips
She stiches his body here and there with steely purple silk
He oils the delicate cogs of her mouth
She inlays with deep cut scrolls the nape of his neck
He sinks into place the inside of her thighs
So, gasping with joy, with cries of wonderment
Like two gods of mud
Sprawling in the dirt, but with infinite care
They bring each other to perfection.
Master of Sex
:crazy:
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other,
and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies,
and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow
has dropped dead.
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the
United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided
with the release. The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the
roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a
clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to
have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners
for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that
you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the
newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have
none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade
your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a
Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office
and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
:thumbup:
If Love Is A Red Dress (Hang Me In Rags) - Maria McKee Master of Sex
Starlings - Elbow
How dare the Premier ignore my invitations?
He'll have to go
So, too, the bunch he luncheons with
It's second on my list of things to do
At the top, I'm stopping by
Your place of work and acting like
I haven't dreamed of you and I
And marriage in an orange grove
You are the only thing in any room you're ever in
I'm stubborn, selfish and too old.
I sat you down and told you how
the truest love that's ever found
Is for oneself
You pulled apart my theory
With a weary and disinterested sigh
So yes I guess I'm asking you
To back a horse that's good for glue
And nothing else
But find a man that's truer than,
Find a man that needs you more than I
Sit with me a while
And let me listen to you talk about
your dreams and your obsessions
I'll be quiet and confessional
The violets explode inside me
when I meet your eyes
Then I'm spinning and I'm diving
Like a cloud of starlings
Darling is this love?
Jax
Master of Sex
:scared: Feck the shopping and work outs and poxy breakfasts and facials and fashionable cafes and flowers and the weight watching........ His day sounds much more fun (I could pass on the golf though :lol2: maybe replace that activity with watching England take 6 wickets in three overs to win the Ashes :grin: possibly while drinking a few more beers :cheers
Oh bugger does that mean I am really a man.....feck:doh:
Jax
Oh bugger does that mean I am really a man.....feck:doh:
Jax Master of Sex
Staying with the car theme, I have for many years subscribed to my own version of zen motoring - which is basically to buy the cheapest available second hand vehicle - irrespective of make, model, colour or any of the other things people usually consider when buying a car. I then drive said vehicle (without servicing or any mechanical checks) in the sure and certain knowledge that it will NOT break down and will get me where ever I want to go without issue. My faith in these clapped out cars has meant I have driven many many happy miles in cars that most folk wouldn't even move off the drive.
What does this say about me......... errrrmmmmm.......
1. I have many annoying knocks and rattles which can effectively be ignored by turning the radio up louder. 
2. There is still mileage left in me. :haha:
3. I have some strange little faults which actually you quite get to like once you have put up with them for long enough. :taz:
4. I am somewhat rough around the edges but I have character. :grin:
Ahhh well who knows.............
Jax
2. There is still mileage left in me. :haha:
3. I have some strange little faults which actually you quite get to like once you have put up with them for long enough. :taz:
4. I am somewhat rough around the edges but I have character. :grin:
Ahhh well who knows.............
Jax Master of Sex
Who wants to be rescused ffs????????:thumbup: Leave me on the island... I be quite happy....
But I would like....
1. A large chest containing as many books as possible.
2.A selection of tools.... saw, hammer, etc... box of nails....etc.
3.A wind up radio. pans and cooking utensils.
5.A large supply of matches.
Oh look I've moved in......:grin:
Jax 