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losmags
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 54
0 km · County Mayo
Forum
Oh and by the way Sexford... meant to ask if you had ever considered investing in that miracle of modern technology, the tumble dryer??? 
Jax
)
Jax
Master of Sex
Enemy Mine?
Attention pussy shoppers! Take advantage of our penny pussy sale! If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny! Try and beat pussy for a penny! If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere else, fuck it!
Master of Sex
:O ok so.... daithi says its under the hay bale behind the pitch fork....cant be very big whatever it is.....thinks....thinks.... :crazy:
knowing our daithi is a farmer boy i think its his secret stash of factor 50, for when he gets the urge to sunbathe nekid in the fields...trying to get rid of his farmers tan so.....
dont blame me - blame Marie... I've had it in me head since she gave it as an incorrect answer to a question in the quiz on Monday night gggrrrrr :doh
Jax Master of Sex
Sorry to corect ye again Ted but I think the Zeds Dead quote is from Pulp Fiction... spoken by Bruce Willis I do believe......
Hey, this is not a test! This is rock-'n'-roll! Time to rock it from the Delta to the DMZ! Is that me, or does that sound like an Elvis Presley movie? Master of Sex
:taz: Alan.... not that I'm being picky but ffs will you get to grips with the point of the thread, which is that you take the song posted before and use/include one of the words in the song or band title in your own choice. Not randomly post any old song that you happen to have been listening to at the time.... :doh:
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack
Master of Sex
:clap: Think that's Clint again....The Good The Bad And The Ugly......... Clint's always good for a sound bite...:grin:
OK so...
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Jax
Master of Sex
:crazy: HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)
(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7 (Good Point)
(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favourite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10 ( The boy already understands)
Another little something to amuse.
CSA Forms
The following are all replies that British women have put on
Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details:
These are genuine excerpts from the forms.
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was
fathered by Tyrone Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father
of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I
was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I
can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the
party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She
was conceived at a party at 36 Nottingham Avenue where I had unprotected
sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good
that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send
me his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He
drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door
panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area, and
see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from
the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he
is Christ risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me
that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic
implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by
you and right by the country. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies
look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.
8. Leroy Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with
him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at
Euro Disney; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I
remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the
evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to
the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilised.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby,
after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made
you fart.
:evil2:
Jax
