Forgive the rant, but my god, every day I see constant, stop whispering stop whispering, crap in the main chat room, this is a swing site, its prudent to chat via private as most people (inc us) don't like to broadcast details to the world.
There is a feature to TURN off the whispers in any chat room, so why the hell are folks moaning, if you dont want people talking private to you then turn it off, why moan at all the guys and cpls out there.
One would assume since there is a feature to disable whispers then if you haven't got it switched on you are happy for ppl to whisper ? If my phone is on I probably want ppl to talk to me if not , guess what I turn it off.
Rant Over
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Rant: if you dont like ppl whispering turn it off stop ...
NECPL this is a never ending saga so I'm not even going to touch on the 'should people turn off their whispers' debate.
One thing I do want to put out there however, is that if you grant permission to someone to whisper accept that they may feel this is an openended invitation. Accept that they may come back into the room 4 hours later and commence whispering again. If you do not want these whispers just say, please don't whisper now.
Whilst unsolicited whispers are frowned upon it is not unreasonable that a person would feel permission, once granted, was not retracted. Common sense should prevail and setting the person straight should resolve the issue. While I will not discuss individual incidents on the chat room, an occurence this week has led to me having to make a personal apology to a member for pulling him up on whispering when the initial complaint turned out to be less cut and dried than it first appeared.
Do not take the assistance mods give for granted, while we assist in enforcing the chat etiquette it does not mean we will blindly dole out punishments.
I see your point midnight, I suppose my rant / overall SIGH / MOAN, is that, this is a site for swinging, and of an adult nature with a lot of people in an adult frame of mind.
That of-course doesn't mean that anyone has the right to bother other people, but there are features on the chat room as there are in NON adult chat rooms to help people stop annoying requests, further if someone starts to be rude or offensive or simply doesn't read your profile, why broadcast it to the room like a spoilt chid.
The mods are there and as far as I have experienced, very nice folk they are, so msg them and say X Y Z is bothering me. Why wail to the star about how your digital rights are being broken, its a chat room people relax a little, and by the way WE get a lot of fakes and messages and crap, but you know what you can do, ignore the little piece of txt that you dont want to read, its hard enough in the chat room to keep up sometimes anyway 
It seems to me that people forget sometimes that this is an adult site with adult themes and ADULTS (well physically anyway if not mentally) crying and moaning constantly because someone hasn't read your profile , or sent a whispers just silly, and the manner in which some people announce the CRIME of whispering or not reading profiles just seems petty.
After all this is a virtual little world, probably best if some people stopped taking it so seriously, as a great man once said "WHY SO SERIOUS!!"
It seems to me that people forget sometimes that this is an adult site with adult themes and ADULTS (well physically anyway if not mentally) crying and moaning constantly because someone hasn't read your profile , or sent a whispers just silly, and the manner in which some people announce the CRIME of whispering or not reading profiles just seems petty.
After all this is a virtual little world, probably best if some people stopped taking it so seriously, as a great man once said "WHY SO SERIOUS!!" It costs nothing to have manners - you wouldn't approach someone outside of here with an insult - so why think you can do it here!!!
It costs nothing to read someone's profile - an therefore give yourself an idea if they are likely to want to know you - so why go charging into a china shop like a Bull!!!
Just because this is an adult site - does NOT give anyone a license to insult/harrass or otherwise communicate with people in a derogatory or offensive way - including unsolicited whipsers.
Just ignoring the whipserers will not, in itself - cure them of their bad manners - they invariably go on to insult and harrass others. They need to have their gallop stopped - some of them don't know the meaning of the word "No"!! It's usually after more than one request to stop whipsering, and comments clearly indicating non-interest that folks lose patience with the ignorant and persistent offenders before they 'copy-and-paste' into the room . When something is said in whipser - the Mod's can't see it - they need evidence on which to act . Sometimes swift action is needed and waiting for the Room Logs is not an option.
No-one would take offence at general, polite chit-chat in whipsers. It's the abusive and offensive that calls for action against the offenders.
Play by the rules - or be prepared to lose access to the site - Simple As!!!
It costs nothing to read someone's profile - an therefore give yourself an idea if they are likely to want to know you - so why go charging into a china shop like a Bull!!!
Just because this is an adult site - does NOT give anyone a license to insult/harrass or otherwise communicate with people in a derogatory or offensive way - including unsolicited whipsers.
Just ignoring the whipserers will not, in itself - cure them of their bad manners - they invariably go on to insult and harrass others. They need to have their gallop stopped - some of them don't know the meaning of the word "No"!! It's usually after more than one request to stop whipsering, and comments clearly indicating non-interest that folks lose patience with the ignorant and persistent offenders before they 'copy-and-paste' into the room . When something is said in whipser - the Mod's can't see it - they need evidence on which to act . Sometimes swift action is needed and waiting for the Room Logs is not an option.
No-one would take offence at general, polite chit-chat in whipsers. It's the abusive and offensive that calls for action against the offenders.
Play by the rules - or be prepared to lose access to the site - Simple As!!!
Im sorry to say that you are exactly my point and im sorry to say I think taking it way too seriously.
Ive already agreed that being rude or bothering someone isn't good, so its not just profiles people don't read.
Look my point is simply that not EVERYONE is annoying everyone, some people either miss a part of a profile, get excited and forget, or just send a friendly whisper and get lambasted for it, and in public where it just isn't warranted.
Sure constant messages are bad but there are polite civilized ways to handle these, but I suspect its the drama of the thing some people enjoy, anyway im not talking about (and never suggested) that bothering people or upsetting people is ok. But if you don't want to be bothered turn off the whispers, or privately msg the mods, crying in the main chat room is doing what ?
if you want the matter resolved go to a mod, copy paste the txt and show what is going on (I also suspect the mods can access logs should they need to). ordinary folk get screamed at constantly in here for a simple msg or for missing a detail on a profile, not messaging people hundreds of time, a single message can and does illicit this response form some people, and it is this that im speaking of.
Ill end this rant before it starts a war , its saddens me to the level at which some folk take this site.
Yeah there's a "block whipsers" button - but that blocks all whipsers - not just the rude/crude ones. And that won't change for the foreseeable future.
I do take this matter seriously, because it's a major cause for why lovely folks have left the site - They got abused in whipsers!!! The biggest moan around this lifestyle is that there's not enough females - and do you wonder why when they get abused in whipser, ridiculed on cam and sent sh*te in e-mails!!!
The rules require a simple "request to whipser" is given before whipsering - and if folks played by the rules, and did that - they would find out where whipsers are welcome and where they are not.
It costs nothing to have manners - ask permission to whipser - what's so hard about that?
I do take this matter seriously, because it's a major cause for why lovely folks have left the site - They got abused in whipsers!!! The biggest moan around this lifestyle is that there's not enough females - and do you wonder why when they get abused in whipser, ridiculed on cam and sent sh*te in e-mails!!!
The rules require a simple "request to whipser" is given before whipsering - and if folks played by the rules, and did that - they would find out where whipsers are welcome and where they are not.
It costs nothing to have manners - ask permission to whipser - what's so hard about that?
Marie, Im not arguing with you or promoting bad behavior (or trying to be rude to you) , but the door swings both ways.
Also RULES are actually stated as Chat Etiquette not CHAT RULES, ie: a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms ( the key word there is EXPECTATIONS and in an adult chat room thats very open to interpretation)
Also there are quite a few other RULES the are flaunted, usually to the joy of everyone but if you want to be letter of the law then it should be clearly defined and enforced for everyone at ALL times for everything and the site would be boring.
May I ask if
"the rules require a simple "request to whipser" is given before whipsering - and if folks played by the rules, and did that - they would find out where whipsers are welcome and where they are not."
then why do they have a block whispers button at all ? I mean if they are rules to be enforced why not just kick everyone who didn't ask ?
Also as above im talking about people going off the rails for a single message or a single missed detail in reading someones profile, some people on here think the are king and queens of a digital empire or at least in the cleb A list and therefore have the right to be equally rude both in and out of main chat rooms. As you say it costs nothing to have manners so for a single mistake is "sorry I don't whisper too much" or better yet ignore it, too much to ask ? if msg continues block whispers, if that doesn't work(or you don't want to ) private msg a mod (make sure you ask permission first ) and paste the txt in, and they are more than willing to sort out any issues.
There are more guys on here adherent to the RULES than are not, and it is they as well as new couples who aren't 100% on the RULES, who get scared off (as we almost were) at the start , just like those you mention above, and all because of the digital plantation owners burning their virtual bra's and screaming about the woes of being popular, and may I finish by saying that I agree again that it does cost nothing to have manners, but who's manners are we to have ? yours ?
My point stated in every post has been about simple mistakes not harassment which you seem to suggest we think is is ok (which we DO NOT) and in fact we are speaking of blasting someone for an innocent mistake, these are not the kind of rules I would like to see enforced and again Ive already stated that there are ways to deal with the bad boys and girls amongst us, proper enforceable ways, which use your RULES, I ask again what does screaming in the chat room at some poor bloke who said hi do ?
) and paste the txt in, and they are more than willing to sort out any issues.
There are more guys on here adherent to the RULES than are not, and it is they as well as new couples who aren't 100% on the RULES, who get scared off (as we almost were) at the start , just like those you mention above, and all because of the digital plantation owners burning their virtual bra's and screaming about the woes of being popular, and may I finish by saying that I agree again that it does cost nothing to have manners, but who's manners are we to have ? yours ?
My point stated in every post has been about simple mistakes not harassment which you seem to suggest we think is is ok (which we DO NOT) and in fact we are speaking of blasting someone for an innocent mistake, these are not the kind of rules I would like to see enforced and again Ive already stated that there are ways to deal with the bad boys and girls amongst us, proper enforceable ways, which use your RULES, I ask again what does screaming in the chat room at some poor bloke who said hi do ? I quick point......necpl............can you personally say that you havent whispered memebers in the chat room without first asking in main???? have you personally read someones profile before repeatedly whispering uninvited, suggesting meets that are not what the person you are whispering is looking for??????
I for one ignore the vast majority of whispers....if its a simple 'hi' or something equally as inoffensive.....then i wont post it in main....my way is to ask if someone whispers, for the them to chat in main.......
What annoys me is people who use the whispers to insult and berate me and to continually hound me.......even then i try to ignore......but will post offensive whispers into main in an attempt to forewarn others and maybe to show the whisperer the err of their ways.
I dont NOT agree with having to turn off ALL whispers for a few who persist in breaking the rules.
The "block whipsers" button - was brought in by request of the users as a temporary method of dealing with this issue some time ago. It helps but it's not the total or final solution. We would need a way to block individual offenders for that.
The rules require a simple "request to whipser" - That is not an EXPECTATION - it is the RULE.
I don't take the discussion here as being personally offensive - I believe the points raised have been debated at length before - and I'm sure that every time this issue is raised - a few more folks will get the message and act in accordance with the Rules.
Never seen anyone lambasted for a simple 'Hi' without there having been prior instances - so can't comment there. Maybe it a case of 'the straw that broke the camel's back'??
The rules require a simple "request to whipser" - That is not an EXPECTATION - it is the RULE.
I don't take the discussion here as being personally offensive - I believe the points raised have been debated at length before - and I'm sure that every time this issue is raised - a few more folks will get the message and act in accordance with the Rules.
Never seen anyone lambasted for a simple 'Hi' without there having been prior instances - so can't comment there. Maybe it a case of 'the straw that broke the camel's back'??
In answer to question 1 desdemona I have whispered to people without asking and if ignored or told no thanks etc I absolutely respect someones wishes, I also after sending messages and being told no thanks have ended up (actually due to saying no problems or explaining my reason for sending a message) getting chatting and in some cases meeting up, so its not all cut and dry.
On question 2, yes I have and Mrs necpl have asked many people about meets, uninvited, and mostly it ends up in a meet or a chat or at least in a polite no, but in some cases some people are just rude or petty.
Profiles are not always 100% correct and even having read a profile I have chatted with people about or met up relating to, An explicit trait said to be on the NO list in someones profile.
Some people on here as Ive said befor,e seem to take it all a bit too seriously and seem to think they have some arrogant right to be rude for a few simple messages, if its not your cup of tea then of course thats your right, if every guy in a bar got the same response for simple message or poor attempts at communication the population would drop very fast.
There is No question of people berating ANYONE being ok, there just isn't, but "hi are you interested in X Y Z" is pretty far off that mark.
I can clearly see and respect both your and marie's views, but its objectivity I think that has been lost and its any communication, even good natured is seen as criminal and treated with CONTEMPT , not everyone is happy to chat in the main and sometimes a quick hi out of the blue can start the best conversations OR not!!!
I suppose to add that We are relatively new here, so bringing up a previously discussed topic and bashing it to death, I ask forgiveness for being boring,
I made my post in reaction to things I see regularly in the main chat rooms. Including being an offender (if not a slightly scampish one and meaning no offense)
Just to make a point as Im slightly anal (no jokes please) but..
The rules are actually stated as
Chat Etiquette:
Using capitals is regarded as shouting, which is rude. Although the use of capitals is not prohibited and occasional use is Ok, excessive use may result in a warning from a site moderator (they have a yellow star). Site moderators may use capitals to gain people's attention.
No abuse or bullying is allowed towards any member, moderator or admin.
No form of harassment is to take place.
Do not use real life names when posting, keep to usernames.
No trolling: this means the posting of the same message over and over again.
No talk of specific locations for security reasons.
No posting of other sites, email addresses or phone numbers - this includes other web messaging services such as and
Remember “NO†from a member means “NOâ€.
Please do NOT whisper without asking first.
Its black and white, the page may say rules but the definition is clear asChat Etiquette ?
Quote by user=necpl
In answer to question 1 desdemona I have whispered to people without asking and if ignored or told no thanks etc I absolutely respect someones wishes, I also after sending messages and being told no thanks have ended up (actually due to saying no problems or explaining my reason for sending a message) getting chatting and in some cases meeting up, so its not all cut and dry.
On question 2, yes I have and Mrs necpl have asked many people about meets, uninvited, and mostly it ends up in a meet or a chat or at least in a polite no, but in some cases some people are just rude or petty.
Profiles are not always 100% correct and even having read a profile I have chatted with people about or met up relating to, An explicit trait said to be on the NO list in someones profile.
Ok necpl.......so you admit to breaking the chat room rules repeatedly.
Can you now accept since you break the rules repeatedly....that others might break the rules repeatedly too......and if more than one person/couple breaks the rules over and over again by constantly whispering one person......can you accept that it may be irratating or annoying to that person to constantly have to ignore said whispers?????
As for peoples profile changing.......can you accept that if someone has on their profile that they are only looking for single males....that they are NOT infact looking to meet couples?????
And also when this is pointed out.....that when the reply from say a couple, like yourselves......is....'oh thats ok'.....'the male is happy for it to be a fem on fem meet'.......that when there is NOTHING on the profile to remotely suggest the person is Bi....that this might be a little irratating to the female being whispered uninvited?????
Might I also suggest that should you or anyone else for that matter, whisper someone univited and get nowhere, that you actually remember who they are and not do it all over again another evening.......that too might help people to be less annoyed with those who break the rules.
Quote by user=marieandu4121
You missed the relevant RULE - as stated on the Chatroom access page:
QUOTE:
** WHISPERING ** - if you want to whisper you must ask first in open chat, if you whisper without asking you will be considered a pest.
UNQUOTE
actually I didnt, can you show me where it says rules ?
** WHISPERING ** - if you want to whisper you must ask first in open chat, if you whisper without asking you will be considered a pest.
Quote by user=marieandu4121
You missed the relevant RULE - as stated on the Chatroom access page:
QUOTE:
** WHISPERING ** - if you want to whisper you must ask first in open chat, if you whisper without asking you will be considered a pest.
UNQUOTE
Oh marie you minx stop falling in love with me
people will talk, but again I disagree, the only references to the word rules are as followsBy entering the Chat Room I confirm I have read, understood and
agree to abide by the Chat Room Rules and site AUP
Please remember:
NO UNDER 18s
NO ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR
NO ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES
We have logs of all chat conversations and will ban any members and block their IP if the rules are brok
also the page its found on is
the passage above does not say rules anywhere near that section of txt its simply a section of txt , I think we will have to agree to disagree on the interpretation of the text on the pages , im pretty sure the technical LAW would be on my side as its wooly at best but to be fair I do see your point and as stated above its only irrational and petty behavior that Im moaning about :)
Nuf Said
I know the Mods and the Admin Team here will disagree with your interpretation - they are very strict about the application of the rules here on site. They ban and remove people for this very offence - so I'd be wary of stating yourself so obviously oblivious of the plain english used on the Site's own access page to the chatroom.
I think very little would stop you being angry desdemona but I whole heartedly disagree with you, more so with your general attitude and point of view I think, but.... its the internet baby and such is life
I think ive made my point over and over in the above texts so Ill not say it again and try and argue and convince someone who is so right or righteous.
I respect you have a strong point of view , your sense of Rules seems a bit tough to me but.... hey... there... you... go....... may I also add that you posting about me in here is exactly my point and petty at best and I think highlights my above points about some people on this site, I have a valid point of view which I decided to share on the forum as a whole not directed at anyone personally, its fine that you don't see it but its there and until this site is a dictatorship I shall speak my mind.
but I whole heartedly disagree with you, more so with your general attitude and point of view I think, but.... its the internet baby and such is life
I think ive made my point over and over in the above texts so Ill not say it again and try and argue and convince someone who is so right or righteous.
I respect you have a strong point of view , your sense of Rules seems a bit tough to me but.... hey... there... you... go....... may I also add that you posting about me in here is exactly my point and petty at best and I think highlights my above points about some people on this site, I have a valid point of view which I decided to share on the forum as a whole not directed at anyone personally, its fine that you don't see it but its there and until this site is a dictatorship I shall speak my mind. Quote by user=marieandu4121
I know the Mods and the Admin Team here will disagree with your interpretation - they are very strict about the application of the rules here on site. They ban and remove people for this very offence - so I'd be wary of stating yourself so obviously oblivious of the plain english used on the Site's own access page to the chatroom.
if the admin or mods wish it I would leave without any fuss, to my knowledge we have only good reports and friends on this site, and your making my point for me that If I am honest and I didn't dodge any of the above questions which were clearly directed at me on purpose , and I am then removed from the site, then I think it shoes how silly the adherence to the RULES has become without any objectivity.
I think Ill park it here ive spoken my mind and how I feel about it and been honest , if that gets be kick off the site then Ill be disappointed about it but Im sure I will live.
Think ill end it here for good as Im angering the good and rule following citizens of the site , Ill be weary of the pitch forks and effigy burning.
Just to elaborate on what midnightchat said earlier....
Users have been and will continue to be instructed by the mods to paste unwanted or rude whispers in open chat. This helps the mods identify immediately if action should be taken. This is sometimes taken advantage of. The mods are very keen to suss out such fake complaints. Yes this an adult site. It has rules for the benefit of all users. Adults are expected to act with manners. This site may be stricter than some others when it comes to the rules, however other sites which allow indiscriminate free for all behavior make for quite unpleasant user experience at times. Finally, while this site is not a dictatorship, and as mods we try to allow people the most freedom possible, it also is not a democracy here. It is in fact a privately owned site and members agree to the rules (regardless if they read them or not) when they join here.
I just wanted to add...necpl of course you are entitled to your rant. And no you won't be lynched for it. This thread has provided an opportunity to clarify a few things.
Agree with Epon here. Whilst Marie and Mona are correct, whisperers do need to seek permission, what seems to be over looked is that on occassion the reaction to the whispers is far more rude than the whisper itself. I have seen whisperers here villified and publicly humiliated and then found that their whisper was in fact a simple 'hi'. I guess what I'm trying to put across here is surely it's all relative. The hi whispers can be ignored and let the mods deal with the persistent offenders. I'm sorry if anyone thinks I'm advocating uninvited whispers but I do think that sometimes the reaction far exceeds the crime.
Flip the coin, is it acceptable to be aggressive and insulting on open chat when the rest of the chatters do not have the benefit of seeing the causing statement. An impression of the whisperer is created that they have no defence against. As stated previously, this has now caused me to have to issue a personal apology to a whisperer put down in the wrong. I am happy to say he was rational and courteous, accepting my apology.
I'll close in saying......... be careful of crying wolf.
