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Hmmm this has been in mailbox for a few weeks now, but Dora couldn't get out of feckin bed to be arsed answering!!
Dear Dora and Addies.
ave sent 1000 mail, no ansas, kan u elp me find weemens, i is ignared by weemens and now ate da site.
Bigknob.
Dear Bigknob..
Learn to write hun,we are not code breakers..
Sex God
Dear Addies Dora,
For years now I have been hampered by an awful addiction to women, Its a terrible condition that manifests itself in terrible flirting and suggestive comments, Its really beginning to try on me as I havent enough time in the day to carry out my other activities such as bog snorkling, turnip chucking and that favoured pastime of all culchies 'Tractor Dodgem', I think I need help, I need my free time back, any tips ladies on how to better manage my hectic schedule.
Your's sincerely,
Anon
(feck Just realised this be published..bugger)
Master of Sex
Make hun.....
I would say look for ladies that share your enjoyment of turnip chucking, bog snorkling and tractor dodging (is there also a culchie pass time of tractor dogging I wonder.....hhhmmmmmm now theres a thought:clap: )
Then you would have plently of time.......
Jax:smoke::inlove:
Dear Anon,
Oh how we laughed at your post, a simple lad deserves a simple solution..
Okay every morning before you rise you must chant I WILL MULTITASK....
Now sweetie during your culchie activities you can leer and make suggestive comments to the ladies, who if they indulge in the bogs , turnips and tractors are likely to be impressed and resspond with similar rude remarks and could lead to shall we say culchie activities of a sexual nature...
Dora shuddered slightly at that image...
Goodluck anon, we once helped a young man who indulged in budgies and hoovers so no reason why you should fail...
Dora and Addies.
ps. Dora, since my letter, I decided to try a bit of 'something else' with the doll....I was a bit rough (not being use to handling men ya see).
So, that lovely half naked woman will get back all of the goodies except
a) the blow-up doll has a puncture repair on his neck.
b) there are now 3 used condoms placed back in the pack.
Maybe she will appreciate it if I wrap them in tissue paper and carefully dispose of them in the bin.
Tom (the burglar)
pps. Can't wait for addies to cast wisdom over the land.
Dear Tom(the buggler).
Hmmmmm after much pondering , 80 cigs and two bottles of Jack Daniels, Dora and I feel that you have been very honest, well..too honest perhaps.
We imagine that you have already passed the small television, dvd player and assorted dvs' onto your fence,so a small donation to the Sisrerhood should suffice, cash only please, Dora is behind again with her lecky bill....
Now as for the soiled male doll and one used condom, we feel that it is imperative you dispose of these items immediatley, prop the doll up outside your local Police station( under cover of darkness , wearing a pair of womens tights, natural of course) and walk away quickly.
Goodluck Tom and remember Dora and I also do prison visits..
Found this late last night, Dora actualy wept when I read it too her, and had to take to her bed again, but she sends love lildick...
Dear Doranaddies,
I joined swing about 6 months ago , a friend told me how sucessful he was, so I opened my account..
Now being a lad of lets say small stature, I decided that I would enhance my profile so to to speak..
Encouraged by my then friend, I clicked on every option available, some of which I had never heard of, and when it came to the assets option I foolishly inserted huge....
My mail box within days was deluged, with mail from ladies and gents
demeanding meets, dear me Doranaddies some of the suggestions, made the hair stand on the back of my neck, but I being a good mannered lad replied, I now have enough meets to see me through until at least 2011, but the problem is ladies, my assets are far from large, indeed extended I am a full 1 inch..
Is it possible to be done for fraud, if I attend said meets?
Please help my nerves are in tatters, I have taken to shredding plastic cups, and propping my eyes up with biros through lack of sleep...
Yours in hope..lildick..
demeanding meets, dear me Doranaddies some of the suggestions, made the hair stand on the back of my neck, but I being a good mannered lad replied, I now have enough meets to see me through until at least 2011, but the problem is ladies, my assets are far from large, indeed extended I am a full 1 inch..
Is it possible to be done for fraud, if I attend said meets?
Please help my nerves are in tatters, I have taken to shredding plastic cups, and propping my eyes up with biros through lack of sleep...
Yours in hope..lildick.. Dear lildick..
Dora is working on your problem, we need to thread carefuly as you did pretend to be a big lad, could you send us a few of your mails, so we can look at them along with a solicitor( now don't panic) standard practice sweetie, we can not risk small claims in court ect...
In the meantime we have posted you a large supply of plastic cups, and Dora wonders why you didn't reply to her 50 mails over the last few months???
Dear lildick,
Okay honney we have the go ahead to reply, sorry Dora isn't here, she is off taking part in a chatshow with Susazana and the human lolly pop stick Trinny( biatch told me once my arse was smaller than Victoria Beckhams so I refuse to sit down with her) and sends warm wishes..
Okay lildick we think that the power of positive thinking is your course of action,think big, talk big and walk big.
Dora has suggested you also use a strapon, tape the said strapon to your waist with flesh colored tape, thus confusing potential partners, don't indulge in boyish practices of flicking it and throwing it around, leering and sqealing'ain't I a big boy' lest it fly off to reveal your correct size...
Goodluck lildick remember positive thinking and plastic.....
Quote by user=addiesfun
Hmmm this has been in mailbox for a few weeks now, but Dora couldn't get out of feckin bed to be arsed answering!!
Dear Dora and Addies.
ave sent 1000 mail, no ansas, kan u elp me find weemens, i is ignared by weemens and now ate da site.
Bigknob.
Dear Bigknob..
Learn to write hun,we are not code breakers..
Girls you have restored my faith in humanity. The above comment is so true. First time I've laughed since giving up smoking. As a crossdressing male explicitly saying females or couples only, this is the epitomy of the only mail I seem to receive. eg. wud u lik me 2 gag on yur kok
Dear Avalon,
Oh you poor peteen, how absolutley shocking! Dora and I are in bits, imagine sordid mail on a swing site especialy after camming!!!!
Okay hun now we feel you must take this to admin, collect all the evidence you can, names, dates ect...
Don't feel ashamed this is not your fault,well perhaps wearing a sleeping bag whilst camming may have helped, but however no need blaming yourself...
Let this be a warning to all who cam, there are repercussions, Dora herself finds it all very traumatic, infact it affects her so badly she has to take to her bed on QUITE often..
Chin up dearie hugggs and kisses from us both..
Mail box is crammed so we are now working on the most desperate first..
This is quite a sad one, so kleenex at the ready, from a regular who does not wished to be named (shamed)..Dora stop typing over my shoulder!!!
Dear Dora and Addies...
Please do not MAKE my name public, it may Make my life hell on site and MAKE me loathe to partake fully in this wonderful site..
Due to the downward spiral in the economic climate, I feel I may have to take to parking in laybys, Church Carparks, shopping precints, secluded areas ect..ect... with a large poster attached to my tractor, declaring ' cum get me '..
Up until the recent recession, I was able to fulfil my manly duties in many a 1star Hotel, please , please can you advise me as to how I now accept this terrible situation,I am devastated!!
and have taken to that age old nervous affliction of shredding plastic cups, please Addies and Dora MAKEMYDAY and help...
Yours in hope desperate09...
Dear desperate09...
Okay Peteen, firstly we are sending bubble wrap( admin have cut back on our supply of plastic cups, due to downward spiral in Economic climate, bollix!!!! they will no doubt use this excuse throughout 09 but I and Dora will fight them bitterly)when you feel overwhelmed just pop the bubbles hun..
Now peteen, firstly cumming in laybys, open areas ect is lets say liberating(do you understand that word?)we are slightly concerned about church carparks but will get to that ..
1star Hotels are lets say feckin disgusting!!! How did you manage to fulfil your manly duties????
admist an air of damp, rank, flea infested surroundings, did your Mama never teach you that cleanliness is next to godliness!!!
'no Dora he needs to be told!!!!'
And what about room service???? we can only imagine it was akin to a scene from Psycho!!
How can we MAKEYOURDAY?????? when you appear to revel in inviting potential partners to such filthy establishments??????
Sorry desperate, but to help we need to be firm here and MAKE you aware that you caused your own problems, and like admin seem determined to blame it all on the present world governments!!!
Now as to the church carparks, well we suggest that you are honest, go to the Ministers and explain fully as to your intentions,remind them that god loves a sinner and a tryer...
Go forth desperate and take your tractor where you like hun, remember to change your profile, stating clearly that you no longer will be cumming inside but outside, we can guarantee you will not fail...
Hope we MADEYOURDAY..
PS CAN YOU RETURN UNUSED BUBBLE WRAP???
Addies and Dora...
Sex God
Jaysus I pity that poor and yet obviously charming and dashful...fella's Plight, can ya not do anything for him?
Dear Aunties....
I am a somewhat pretty girl in my early 30's, dress well, enjoy socalising ect...
Sadly when god was handing out cleavage, I ended up at the end of the line, I last measured in at a 28aa..
When I attempted to go on cam, I was bombarded with requests to get 'them' out love, get what out Dora and Addies??? Up until then I was happy to use chicken fillets, rolled up tights, newspaper, toilet roll, kitchen paper...but I can not cheat the cam...
Please , please I know you can help, you have done so with so may others, even lildick...
Waiting in hope Flatpack......
Dear Flatpack,
I am handing you over to Dora, I have to step back here, It would be unfair for me to give advice, being blessed with a wonderful firm bust, complete with nipples like Russian bullets...
You also are shall I say a tad annoying, early 30's and pretty, what you lack in cleavage you sure as hell make up for in front....
Dora will at some stage be back to help, if not I will be only too happy to give some advice..
Addies..
Dear Addies and Dora,
I have never written to you befor but I realy need your advice.
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating,the usual signs;phone rings,if I answer the caller hangs up,going out with "the girls" a lot and when I ask their names it's "you don't know them".I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I ususally fall last night I decided to finally check on her, around midnight I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so to get a good view of the whole street when she came home from her night out with the girls. When she got out of the car she was buttoning her blouse which was open and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them was at that moment crouched behind my golf clubs I noticed it...
A hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3 this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop?
Sex God
So whilst examining yer own 'shaft', ya failed to identify who was 'shafting' mrs head..tut tut head, eye on the ball mister, eye on the ball.
p.s. graphites a hoor to mend, epoxy resin should do the trick.
Sorry Dora and Addies, that needed a male touch to answer.
Dear Head,
Dora should have suggested you take the wife out for a slap up meal, after all had it not been for her infidelities , you may not have noticed the hairline crack.
Imagine your embarassment teeing up at the first, in your polyester pink jumper and shiny slacks, whacking your ball and sending showers off graphite over the course.
Wandering wifes are easily forgotten Head, but being shamed in the local club, sadly not.
Yes Dora the spoilt madam should run along and count her blessings, isn't she pretty??? what more does the bint want???.
No doubt she will find a rich husband to send her off to have a boob job and god knows what else..
It is the likes of us Dora who have to struggle with the daily grind of chicken fillets, rolled up tights, newspapers and bog rolls, would she care?? No way Dora just ignore her, she will go away!
Interesting problem Dora, don't you think?
Okay lets give this guy the benefit of our doubt, and set out a small questionaire, If he can answer yes to any of these , then our friend should arrange to meet him. you forget how to use a phone? you a victim of any type of accident, that induced temporary amnesia? your wife infiltrate your PC, beat you to within an inch of your life, rendering you a gormless twat? you sufferd from any of the following , over the last two years?.
Leprosy, Cholera, Bubonic Plague.
5. Is Galway now a part of Australia?
6. Did your willy shrivel up, and die?
Now Dora that gives him some chance of redeeming himself, if not then she should kick him to the kerb;send him packing nutless, remembe rour old saying Dora 'Time waits for no man, where affairs of the bedroom are concernd'
Dear Dora and Addies..
Gosh I have been hiding my terrible addiction for such a long time, it is such a relief to share my burden with you wonderful caring ladies.
I shall cut to the chase, over the last few weeks I have found myself struggling with a wierd addiction to pictures of mens' 'dangly bits'.
No I don't mean double chins and love handles, I mean their love-sticks, tools, you get my drift?
Not only did I constantly find myself delving through profiles, I actualy encouraged men to post me pics, my poor post-man has developed a pronounced stoop carrying them to the door.
After telling my partner, he at first was shocked but reassured me that he could deal with my addiction, mind you he did get upset when getting into bed one night, he lay down and his eyes were accosted by the pics I had papered the ceiling with.
Ladies what can I do? Should I try to find an interest in eunuchs instead, is there a support group I could attend? Should I go public with my addiction, in the hope others share it, or shall I be saddled with this affliction for life.
Thank you in advance for your help, and I know that total anonyminity is assured, jesus Bull would freak otherwise!!!
Yours ***
Dear Three Stars ( was your Dadee a Red Indian?)
Okay *** Dora and I after a long night, and a fair whack of Jack Daniels, think we may be able to help..
First , you must parcel up all your pics, including those you have used to repaper the house, and send them to Dora and myself.
We will of course dispose of them properly...
Now *** the therapy we are proposing may appear to be quite extreme, but we did have great results from it before, and have no doubt you also can benefit.
So *** we are arranging a naked public flogging,invitations have already been sent out, The post-man is delighted to attend!! as are all the young men you stalked via mail and pics..
We also spoke with your husband ***(mmmmmmm you are a naughty bint)and he feels that the punishment is more than appropriate, infact he has asked to have the first crack of the whip....
We will inform you of the time and date one day in advance, giving you enough time, to have your hair and makeup done, Dora insists on high standards.
Huggs as always..Dora and Addiesxx
