Hi all, Ricky here.
It is with regret that we make our first post on here. We've been on the site as a couple for a good while now, having started off on here as two singles, and while we've had the fortune of some good meets, the majority of those meets have only come after the utmost hassle.
In the past week alone, we have had 3 separate cancellations, and every one of them at the very last minute. I personally had arranged another meet, this time as a single, and again cold feet got in the way. There is an awful lot of talk on this site about the number of single guys who bottle it and either don't show or cancel late, and much of it is justified. However, in all 4 of these instances, we were dealing with single females. Now, the ratio of single men to women here is a bit ridiculous to say the least, but it must also be said that most (and I stress MOST, not all) of the fems on here make it particularly hard for anyone to even strike up a conversation with them. Bearing this attitude in mind, you'd think that when a single girl goes through the whole process of a) letting you into her bubble, b) having a conversation that lasts more than 3 sentences and c)swapping info and contact details, she'd actually follow through with a meet. But apparently not.
I realise that all 4 may have had their reasons, but this is a serious waste of time at this stage. I'm wondering if we should have a list of fakers, a lot like the "confirmed" list we have for people who actually do meet up. I do acknowledge that the door would potentially be open for people to falsely accuse others of faking it (and having just encountered an absolute nutjob {Tyrone-based, not naming names} that Chrissy added on I could see how there might be problems), but as it stands, the "confirmed" list is being abused too. We've been asked by 2 couples (again who shall remain nameless) who asked us to confirm them in return for the same. No meet, just building a collection of confirmations. Makes you think.
So what say you to the no-shows list?
C&R
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No-shows thread
There is always going to be reasons why folks don't show up for meets. Justifiable reasons, which should be notified ASAP so others don't waste time travelling/making accommodation arrangements/sitters etc.
The folks who simply get 'cold feet' at the last minute or who don't give the courtesy of a text/call in good time, should simply be consigned to your personal "Not Going To Happen" List.
But a 'No Shows List' would do no good and would just cause more ill-feeling - There would be no way to 'police' such a List and - besides the point that it would be against the rules of the site to have such a List.
You have to put it down to experience and move on - avoid the ones you feel will let you down and give new folks the opportunity to impress you.
The folks who simply get 'cold feet' at the last minute or who don't give the courtesy of a text/call in good time, should simply be consigned to your personal "Not Going To Happen" List.
But a 'No Shows List' would do no good and would just cause more ill-feeling - There would be no way to 'police' such a List and - besides the point that it would be against the rules of the site to have such a List.
You have to put it down to experience and move on - avoid the ones you feel will let you down and give new folks the opportunity to impress you.
Sex God
The Site does not condone 'name and shame' Thread's, as annoying as these instances are, its a system open for abuse no matter how you try and regulate it.
It is a shame you have had this happen to you but I think you will find it a case of Hard luck more so than the norm that you had it happen numerous times in the one week.
Titan79,
Moderator.
A public no show list, what next????
A public, oh she /he/ they didn't meet my sexual standards list????
Many people have to pull out of meets at the last moment, and what a lot of people forget is a vast number of single fems on this site have children, families ect and I for one will cancel if my family need me.
I have had no shows at the last moment, I zap the details of the person/people involved if I don't get a courtesy call, mail or text.
Last year , becuase I had to cancel a meet at the last moment because one of my children was very ill, A guy from a couple proceeded to tell me how to parent properly!!
Look if you are sure these people are messers, do as Marie says, put them on a personal list, put it down to experience and move on, but don't forget the genuine people who may ahve to cancel.
One possible functionality that might be possibly added would be where each profile has a button say called "Meeting Arranged". You come on to our profile, click this button. We then get a message whether to confirm if a meet has been arranged or delete it. If confirmed, then this would open up options on each others page of "Show" or "No Show" and maybe another option for people with genuine cancellations, but you get my drift. Perhaps this could be a good system, or maybe not. What you guys think?
MrH.
Reluctant to endorse any note wherein a person's attendance is confirmed or not. Surely a simpler option would be to actually use the comments section. Confirm attendance there with any positive comment you would like to make. I must admit I do not allow comments on my profile because no one needs to know where I have been. People have genuine reasons for not turning up, however, some would appear not to.
At the end of the day there is a chat room available, perhaps engage in open conversation there............ word of mouth goes a long way and you may identify unsuitable candidates at an earlier stage.
As for the female 'bubble' I would suggest that there may not be a bubble but approaches we find more appealing. In my case rapport is something that is built up, someone suggesting a meet at the first point of contact is not of interest to me.
P.S. the poll is not valid if it only has one option available to select. You will get a truer reflection if you re-post it with a 'no' option.
At the end of the day there is a chat room available, perhaps engage in open conversation there............ word of mouth goes a long way and you may identify unsuitable candidates at an earlier stage.
As for the female 'bubble' I would suggest that there may not be a bubble but approaches we find more appealing. In my case rapport is something that is built up, someone suggesting a meet at the first point of contact is not of interest to me.
P.S. the poll is not valid if it only has one option available to select. You will get a truer reflection if you re-post it with a 'no' option.
Quote by user=chrissyandricky
Hi all, Ricky here.
It is with regret that we make our first post on here. We've been on the site as a couple for a good while now, having started off on here as two singles, and while we've had the fortune of some good meets, the majority of those meets have only come after the utmost hassle.
In the past week alone, we have had 3 separate cancellations, and every one of them at the very last minute. I personally had arranged another meet, this time as a single, and again cold feet got in the way. There is an awful lot of talk on this site about the number of single guys who bottle it and either don't show or cancel late, and much of it is justified. However, in all 4 of these instances, we were dealing with single females. Now, the ratio of single men to women here is a bit ridiculous to say the least, but it must also be said that most (and I stress MOST, not all) of the fems on here make it particularly hard for anyone to even strike up a conversation with them. Bearing this attitude in mind, you'd think that when a single girl goes through the whole process of a) letting you into her bubble, b) having a conversation that lasts more than 3 sentences and c)swapping info and contact details, she'd actually follow through with a meet. But apparently not.
I realise that all 4 may have had their reasons, but this is a serious waste of time at this stage. I'm wondering if we should have a list of fakers, a lot like the "confirmed" list we have for people who actually do meet up. I do acknowledge that the door would potentially be open for people to falsely accuse others of faking it (and having just encountered an absolute nutjob {Tyrone-based, not naming names} that Chrissy added on I could see how there might be problems), but as it stands, the "confirmed" list is being abused too. We've been asked by 2 couples (again who shall remain nameless) who asked us to confirm them in return for the same. No meet, just building a collection of confirmations. Makes you think.
So what say you to the no-shows list?
C&R
Should a poll not have yes/no option ????
I think we are all getting a little too serious around here.
Layla
No shows are a part of this lifestyle, and as much as we have wanted to shout from the roof tops about no shows we have had, we don't feel it would serve any purpose, and we have had to cancel meets at the last moment due to unavoidable situations, but does that mean we should be named and shamed?? We make a point of letting the people know asap if we have to cancel, which is just good manners and have found them to be very understanding.
It`s a lesson we all learn in this lifestyle but don't let it ruin it for others who would show up and give you the time of your life.
People who wont show are usually spotable early on.
1. The "woman" who asks you how big your cock is few seconds after you start chatting. That will be the guy pretending.
2. The person who wants endless detail about what will happen at a meet. How will we shag, what do you like,what turns you on the most etc etc.
3. The person who dosent want to talk on the phone. Its understandable if he or she dosent want to give out a number. Simple answer. Let them ring you from a blocked number. If a contact wont speak to you that way, move on.
4. Lack of comments on their profile.
5. Lack of consistency on their profile. Straight male wants to meet Bi male etc.
Unfortunately there are a lot of people on these sites who just want to talk about meeting. Thats their fantasy and I for one am happy to chat to people who don’t want to meet. Problem is many of them use the other person as an object of their fantasy. Some even get a kick out of sitting at home reading exasperated texts or emails from the person they have stood up.
Its a case of learning by experience and applying common sense to potential meets I think. I certainly wouldn’t like a blacklist. There are enough crackpots and loo laas out there who would delight in filling in the names of every person who ever looked at them sideways in a chatroom!
no shows are a part of this lifestyle unfortunately and they do happen and most have a genuine reason but as marie said just put the ones you suspect dont on your not going to happen list saves a lot of negative feelings in the long run and chalk it up to experience.. I am on here as a single female have a detailed profile and expect anyone who is interested in getting to know me to have read it thouroughly am very approachable in chat and easy to talk to but I do take my time in getting to know someone. Just because I am on a swing site doesnt mean I am an automatic shag...
You seem like a very nice couple so am sure things will pick up for you in the future.... good things are usually worth the wait xxxxx anny
Some Guys no show, some girls no show and some couples no show. It happens, it will always happen, so i suppose its life.
The comments section can help to see what people are like, but i know of lots of people me included who don't always post comments despite meeting someone, for privacy reasons. I always say go for a coffee before you go further so you can see if there is a connection.
A lot of people are a lot quieter in real life face to face than in the chatroom / forums/ texts, so the coffee irons all this out very quickly.
People can have reasons for not showing, but it's polite to let the people know that your not coming and why, so they are not totally put out, i would feel anyway.
There's nothing worse than getting a text when your sitting somewhere waiting on someone, or worse still sitting in a hotel with a paid for room, and no one to share it with you. Been there, and its not nice.
Sean
ravenfire it was valentines night for gods sake everyroom in the place was bouncing off the wall lol course i had paid for the room! As it happens I was up for work so not a huge problem, but god do you feel dumb when taken in by the loo laas fantasists that make up a fair part of the population of this site!
As for the privacy of the comments, cant people just say I met Joe or Mary and they were nice? You dont need to say they dressed you in a rubber gimps outfit and strung you by the short and curlys from the shower curtain! Zeds dead baby, Zeds dead
Tom, it's a shame you were let down like that, it's irrelevent that you had work, and the person who let you down without contact should be, at very least embarrassed, if not ashamed when or if they read this thread (assuming their a site user) but we live and learn again and again in this lifestyle eh.
Quote by user=tom4
People who wont show are usually spotable early on.
1. The "woman" who asks you how big your cock is few seconds after you start chatting. That will be the guy pretending.
2. The person who wants endless detail about what will happen at a meet. How will we shag, what do you like,what turns you on the most etc etc.
3. The person who dosent want to talk on the phone. Its understandable if he or she dosent want to give out a number. Simple answer. Let them ring you from a blocked number. If a contact wont speak to you that way, move on.
4. Lack of comments on their profile.
5. Lack of consistency on their profile. Straight male wants to meet Bi male etc.
Unfortunately there are a lot of people on these sites who just want to talk about meeting. Thats their fantasy and I for one am happy to chat to people who don’t want to meet. Problem is many of them use the other person as an object of their fantasy. Some even get a kick out of sitting at home reading exasperated texts or emails from the person they have stood up.
Its a case of learning by experience and applying common sense to potential meets I think. I certainly wouldn’t like a blacklist. There are enough crackpots and loo laas out there who would delight in filling in the names of every person who ever looked at them sideways in a chatroom!
Just because someone falls into one of these categories doesn't mean they will be a no show. Goodness knows why people do this, they will probably be the very ones complaining if they are arranging a meet and the person doesn't show (then they will know how it feels when the shoe is on the other foot). Some people don't have comments on their profile for their own reasons, personally i never look at whether someone has comments or has been confirmed anyway as i think it's a waste of time.
I have met people who i havn't talked to on the phone but texted them beforehand and they have showed up while others i have talked to on the phone have been no-shows & visa versa so you can't say for certain based on that if the person is a time-waster.
Sex God
Having been burnt a few times myself I appreciate the frustration Tom4, alas its all part of the terrain though thankfully havent had one in ages. I Understand the privacy thing with comments Sean, I always ask can I leave a comment and as someone that uses the comments section as a yard stick I comment purely to verify persosn are who they say they are.
Quote by user=ravenfire
We will always leave a comment on people`s profiles if we have met them and if they dont mind us doing so, we dont go into great detail but feel it is good manners.
I agree Raven, It is good manners,but not everyone has comments on their profiles for various reasons, so I would be wary of just simply judging on comments alone, have met quite a few people who have no comments on profile, a few have said they don't like the idea of being publicy verified just to increase their chances of further meets.
So I would always ask would you like to be verified?
Orgasminator
Quote by user=Virgogirl
So I would always ask would you like to be verified?
Yes please Virgo
:lick::lick::boink:
Quote by user=Virgogirl
A public no show list, what next????
A public, oh she /he/ they didn't meet my sexual standards list????
Many people have to pull out of meets at the last moment, and what a lot of people forget is a vast number of single fems on this site have children, families ect and I for one will cancel if my family need me.
I have had no shows at the last moment, I zap the details of the person/people involved if I don't get a courtesy call, mail or text.
Last year , becuase I had to cancel a meet at the last moment because one of my children was very ill, A guy from a couple proceeded to tell me how to parent properly!!
Look if you are sure these people are messers, do as Marie says, put them on a personal list, put it down to experience and move on, but don't forget the genuine people who may ahve to cancel.
Very good point there, think the point was though about people who don't show up and can't be bothered getting in touch either to let the person know which is only common courtesy.
Live Long & Prosper
