A new nurse was being shown around the wards on her first day. The matron pulls aside a curtain and the nurse sees a young man sitting on his bed, furiously masturbating. That's terrible, she exclaims. "Oh, he's ok", says the matron, "he has a very rare condition that causes his testicles to fill up with sperm at an incredible rat. He must masturbate ten times a day or suffer excrutiating pain". The nurse nods, feeling sympathy for the man. In the next ward the matron pulls aside another curtain and they see a nurse giving a patient a blow job. Seeing the look of shock on her new employee's face she quickly says, "oh, this man has the same condition, only he's got VHI"
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JOKES
A man sunbathes nude on holiday and burns his penis. Embarrassed, he shows this to a local GP. The doctor says that he should dip his member in a saucer of cold milk to ease the pain. Later that day, his girlfriend opens their hotel-room door and sees him with his penis submerged in a bowl of milk. "Good heavens!" she remarks, "I always wondered how you re-loaded those things!"
Sunday Morning Sex
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along..
Dave was in the garden when his daughter suddenly squealed in pain, he looked up and saw her swipe a wasp from the back of her hand as she ran off screaming into the house.
Concerned Dave ran in after her thinking quicklt.. "where'e the sting cream kept?"
He entered the kitchen to find his daughter pouring a pint glass of his favourite Magners Cider and plunging her hand in it!!
"What are you doing?" he asked worriedly "That won't work!"
She said "Mummy said every time she gets a prick in her hand she likes to get it in cider" Lol :-)
HOLY SOAP
Two priests are off to the showers late one night They undress and jump into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not
bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the
showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall an freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled
he drops a bar of soap, look says the first nun, it's a soap dispenser.
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure
enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and
three times but nothing happens. So she gives several tugs, then yells
"Holy Mary, Mother of God! Hand lotion too!
an elderley man is on his can feel the end ir near ,when he notices a wonderful aroma coming from the realises his loving wife of 6o years is baking his favorite finds the strenght to drag himself to the kitchen,and as he reaches his frail withered hand up to the table,he suddenley feels the whack of a wooden spoon ,as his wife barks "Fuck off" there for your funeral
Sex God
My wife said i wasnt romantic enough, she said she wanted me 2 make love 2 her like in the movies. So i stuck it in her arse and came all over her face, she was raging. It turns out we dont watch the same movies!
:doggy::clap:
A little old man totters into a chemist to buy viagra. "Can I have 6 tablets & I need them cut into quarters." "I can cut them for you," said chemist "but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection." "I'm 96," said the old man "I don't have much use for an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't piss on my slippers!" :sticky:
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital when during her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously
"Oh my GOD!!" screamed the woman, "That's disgraceful!!! Why is he doing that??"
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't masturbate at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
"Oh well, in that case, I guess it's ok." commented the woman.
In the very next room, a male patient was lying in bed and it was obvious that a male nurse was performing oral sex on him.
Again, the female benefactor screamed,
"Oh my GOD!! How can THAT be justified?"
Again the doctor spoke very calmly,
"Same illness, but this guy has better insurance."
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my friends generous genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt..
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,
'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life AND give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said,
'Never mind, I found one'.....
7 dwarves went to meet the Pope.
'Go on Dopey ask him'chanted the other 6.
'Okay' said Dopey.'Sir are there nuns in Alaska?'
'Yes there are' said the Pope..
'Go on ask him'urged the other 6..
'Ok' said Dopey.
Dopey blushed..'Are there blcak nuns in Alaska?.
'No I don't think so' said the Pope..
All 6 leapt up shouting......
'Dopey shagged a penguin!'..........:giggle:
Sex God
1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
4. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
5. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
6. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
7. Do you remember when you were a kid; playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in the world did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
8. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
9. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
10. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
11. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
12. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
13. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text
14. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say"
15. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
16. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
17. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a d1ck from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
19. Everytime I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
20. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
21. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it....thanks Mario Kart.
22. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
23. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
24. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
25. Bad decisions make good stories.
26. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB-gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
28. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
29. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
30. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
31. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
32. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
33. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching 's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
34. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
35. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
36. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my itunes.
38. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
39. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
40. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
41. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@stard before dinner.
42.. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
43. I wonder if cops ever get p1ssed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
44. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
Sex God
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!"
And the guy drove a Porche, and went fishing and hunting, and played golf a lot, and drank beer and scotch, and smoked cigars and cigarettes, and did drugs, and went on holidays wherever he wanted, and played video games all weekend, and had lots of McDonalds, and had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up, and never made his bed, and farted whenever he wanted and lived happily ever after.
The End.
*************************************
How do you make Lady GaGa cry?
Kick her in the bollocks...
**************************************************
There was this case in this hospital's Intensive Care ward where
patients always died in the same bed on Friday mornings around 9am
regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with
the supernatural: Why did death occur at that same bed around the same
time every Friday?
So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to
investigate the cause of the deaths.
Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited
for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. The new (unknowing)
patient laid there.
Some doctors held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects
to ward off evil...and they waited.
8am, the patient was still alive... ..still breathing...
Just before the 'cursed' time, the door to the ward swung open...
Then At Exact Am, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and
unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum
cleaner!
How Fights Start
My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
******************************************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
******************************************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?", comes the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a 'man,' Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you, he'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
Priest walking down the road one day heard a noise in the busnes...looked in and saw a youngfella masturbating like mad
priest said "my son , this is wrong, you should save it until you get married.
3 weeks later ..priest passing the same place..heard same noise..looked in saw same young fella...priest says "i thought i told you to save it until you got married"...
young fella replies "but i am father...look i have 3 jamjars full already
Teacher to her class: "now children, I want you all to tell me the name of something ending in TOR that could eat you."
First child raises his hand and says "Alligator"
"Well done and what a good long word"
Second kid says "Perdator"
"Excellent answer" Teacher replies.
Third kid says "Vibrator miss"
Teacher is shocked and says "Erm, I don't think that would eat anything Billy!"
Billy says "Well, my big sister has one and she says it eats her fuckin batteries!"
eye:A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.'
'Oh I see,' replied the boy pensively. 'Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.' He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, 'Why are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies, 'Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday.'
'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, 'Then who are these for?'
'Those are for college men,' the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.'
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, 'Those are for married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March.....'
An Italian man brought his son, called Luigi, to the hat shop (there is a name for a hat shop..but i dont know it) to buy him a cap.
Man asks the assistant " have you a cap to fit Luigi with the biga fookin heada... giving Luigi a :boxing: on the head.
Assistant brings a big cap but it wont fit Luigi .. man again hits Luigi
and says of course, it wont fit Luigi with the biga heada..hitting him again. After trying on several caps and several bangs to Luigis head, the shop assistant calls the man aside and says "why do you keep hitting the poor lad, it's not his fault he has a big head"
Man replies.." ita is a like thisa..whena i was a younga man ina Itialia...I married the mosta beautifulla woman,..hits luigi on the head.. with the mosta nicest little titties...hits luigi on the head anda the mosta beautifulla tight pussy..until Luigi witha the biga fookin heada"
female dwarf goes to a doctor complaining of an
embarrassing itch in the groin area.
The doctor looks her up and down, picks her up and stands
her on his desk. He lifts up her skirt and puts his head under.
A little perplexed, she hears snip, snip, snip, snip.
The doctor emerges from under her skirt. "How's
that?"
"Well, it's a lot better actually, but...
it's still there."
Undaunted, he dives back under her skirt. Snip, snip,
snip, snip.
Out he comes. "How's that?" he asks again
more confident.
"That's wonderful! What did you do?"
"I trimmed the top off your Ugg boots."
Jack was wife Becky was by his bedside."Becky" he said in a tired voice. "Theres something i must confess." "Ssshhhh,theres nothing to confess everything is alright, "no i must die in peace,i shagged your sister and your mother!" "I know" whispered Becky "thats why i poisoned you,you foookin c**t!! " now close your eyes".
Galway girl
A young woman in Galway was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Atlantic Ocean . She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the freezing water when a young
s ailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, 'Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day.' Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, I'll keep you
happy, and you'll keep me happy.'
The girl nodded Yes, After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a Fresh start in America would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by The
captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked.
'I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,' she explained.
'I get food and a trip to America , and he's screwing me.'
'He certainly is,' the captain replied. This is the Arran Islands Ferry.'
