I have asked many people over the months for advice on various problems that I have had and think it would be really helpful to have an actual agony aunt thread with all of us, the site members being the agony aunts and uncles. Feel free to post your problems and your advice. Look forward to us all helping each other. Remember a problem shared is a problem halved.
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Agony Aunt
I have been abandoned
A guy I meet from the site doesn't care about me any more. Two days ago when he was round here he accidentally put sugar in my tea and so understandably, I got really angry and swore at him, hit him with my bedside lamp and threw a chair at him. Then I pushed him out of my (first floor) bedroom window. Then he tried to get back in the house and I blasted him with a shotgun. He ran away and hasn't been in touch since.
I mean doesn’t he realise that I’m a girl on the site; a minority and how bloody lucky he is to be granted an audience with me. Don't you think that if he really cared, he'd be trying to contact me? I just feel so sad and rejected.
Neglected on the northside
A guy I meet from the site doesn't care about me any more. Two days ago when he was round here he accidentally put sugar in my tea and so understandably, I got really angry and swore at him, hit him with my bedside lamp and threw a chair at him. Then I pushed him out of my (first floor) bedroom window. Then he tried to get back in the house and I blasted him with a shotgun. He ran away and hasn't been in touch since.
I mean doesn’t he realise that I’m a girl on the site; a minority and how bloody lucky he is to be granted an audience with me. Don't you think that if he really cared, he'd be trying to contact me? I just feel so sad and rejected.
Neglected on the northside
Sex God
Quote by user=Eden
I have been abandoned
A guy I meet from the site doesn't care about me any more. Two days ago when he was round here he accidentally put sugar in my tea and so understandably, I got really angry and swore at him, hit him with my bedside lamp and threw a chair at him. Then I pushed him out of my (first floor) bedroom window. Then he tried to get back in the house and I blasted him with a shotgun. He ran away and hasn't been in touch since.
I mean doesn’t he realise that I’m a girl on the site; a minority and how bloody lucky he is to be granted an audience with me. Don't you think that if he really cared, he'd be trying to contact me? I just feel so sad and rejected.
Neglected on the northside
I reckon he put canderel in her tea not sugar, no other explanation, he needs to try splenda, gives less of a 'Hint'
Dear Eden,
I have a few concerns with regards to 'your' problem... what where you doing inviting a man to your place who doesnt know how to make tae properly? do you honestly believe the sugar incident was accidental?? bet he is saying now it was foreplay!!
I hope you had stored that shot-gun away safely (under your bed with a body-bag) if not please ensure you do so. Also you need anger management hun along with a new bedside lamp and chair! to follow you should be committed if you keep up this carry on!!
Finally, You were obviously in the wrong house because you don't have a bedroom on the first floor!! :eeek:
luvs as always
Aunty Amber :smitten:
I have a few concerns with regards to 'your' problem... what where you doing inviting a man to your place who doesnt know how to make tae properly? do you honestly believe the sugar incident was accidental?? bet he is saying now it was foreplay!!
I hope you had stored that shot-gun away safely (under your bed with a body-bag) if not please ensure you do so. Also you need anger management hun along with a new bedside lamp and chair! to follow you should be committed if you keep up this carry on!!
Finally, You were obviously in the wrong house because you don't have a bedroom on the first floor!! :eeek:
luvs as always
Aunty Amber :smitten:
Quote by user=Eden
I have been abandoned
A guy I meet from the site doesn't care about me any more. Two days ago when he was round here he accidentally put sugar in my tea and so understandably, I got really angry and swore at him, hit him with my bedside lamp and threw a chair at him. Then I pushed him out of my (first floor) bedroom window. Then he tried to get back in the house and I blasted him with a shotgun. He ran away and hasn't been in touch since.
I mean doesn’t he realise that I’m a girl on the site; a minority and how bloody lucky he is to be granted an audience with me. Don't you think that if he really cared, he'd be trying to contact me? I just feel so sad and rejected.
Neglected on the northside
Ahhhh you won't need to feel so sad for too long as soon you'll have bigger troubles on your hands as after hitting him with a chair and a lamp and also shooting at him with a shotgun, criminal charges will be no doubt be pending and you won't have time to worry about being rejected but instead worrying about appearing in court...... i'll be scouring the newspaper headlines for this, my advice get a good a lawyer
Quote by user=Eden
I have been abandoned
A guy I meet from the site doesn't care about me any more. Two days ago when he was round here he accidentally put sugar in my tea and so understandably, I got really angry and swore at him, hit him with my bedside lamp and threw a chair at him. Then I pushed him out of my (first floor) bedroom window. Then he tried to get back in the house and I blasted him with a shotgun. He ran away and hasn't been in touch since.
I mean doesn’t he realise that I’m a girl on the site; a minority and how bloody lucky he is to be granted an audience with me. Don't you think that if he really cared, he'd be trying to contact me? I just feel so sad and rejected.
Neglected on the northside
Eden : Right - a bedside lamp, chair, fecked out the window and then a gun??? :scared:
A lot of weapons of mass destruction there ....mmmmmm :dry:
You were of sound mind the last time I spoke to you
Lets go back to the core root of this problem
THE TAE!!
Ffs, give that stuff up and drink COFFEE!!!!!! :giggle::giggle::giggle:
Sex God
Quote by user=EdenTHey were words of wisdom and advice, the comfort should come in him not having to go through that ordeal again if he does it right the next time.8)
er Titan, where are the words of advice, of wisdom, of comfort?
HELPPPPPPPPPPPP.... ok now this is hard to admit because i don't know how they got there :eeek: i found in my closet..pair of knickers (that aren't mine obviously) box of cereal eewwhhh i don't like corn flakes and now a pair of lovely knee-high black pointed toed boots --2 sizes too small for me...........Is someone setting me up?? Is there a fairy leaving pressies?? I just don't know where to turn to :upset: Can someone please help me?????
Dear Worship :notes:
I will keep this brief, you're a thief under the influence of too much voddie and in need of help! I know this because I too suffered the non-remembrance after too much voddie, just don't put so much ice in it in future ;)
I can tell you that you should give the knickers back to the guy that left your place last night :grin: the cereal box is under Eden's control (she has anger issues so beware) and the boots are Mrshottys but gawd knows who she robbed them off, as she too drinks the voddie with too much ice, even uses it as her mixer!! :eeek:
Ok that wasn't brief but you get me drift yeah??
A concerned Aunty Amber :inlove:
I will keep this brief, you're a thief under the influence of too much voddie and in need of help! I know this because I too suffered the non-remembrance after too much voddie, just don't put so much ice in it in future ;)
I can tell you that you should give the knickers back to the guy that left your place last night :grin: the cereal box is under Eden's control (she has anger issues so beware) and the boots are Mrshottys but gawd knows who she robbed them off, as she too drinks the voddie with too much ice, even uses it as her mixer!! :eeek:
Ok that wasn't brief but you get me drift yeah??
A concerned Aunty Amber :inlove:
Auntie Amber....i must say i think you could be right...but in my defence mrshotty told me i was drinking water...and with that innocent face i believed her :upset:
Auntie Eden....:scared: will i need a lawyer?? where will i ever find one?? OH GOD :O i can't go to jail 
:upset: :uhoh: those he-man hairy females will have their wicked way with me :eeek: :eeek:
:upset: :uhoh: those he-man hairy females will have their wicked way with me :eeek: :eeek: I have several problems I need help with
firstly I have gotten hot and heavy with girls lots of times and when it comes to the crunch, when I whip off my calvns they say "I can't take that it's too big, it's like a heineken can with a beachball on top". It's very frustrating.
Secondly when I do find an adventurous gal who will try, they invariably have to stop after a while complaining of orgasm fatigue. One girl (a squirter) had to be hospitalised due to dehydration.
Please help
Enormous and Godlike in the south east
Dear Enormous (ego) and Godlike (opinion of himself) in the South East
Oh Dear.
What we have here is a classic case of grandiose delusional disorder. It’s unsurprising really that you have been struck down with this, indeed I saw it coming. It isn’t uncommon in chronically shy people like your self, with acute low self esteem issues and knobbly willies. Delusional Disorder, while serious, can be treated by a combination of pharmacotherapy (gin + tonic) and psychotherapy (Eden’s couch, bed, kitchen table, on top of the washing machine etc.) It’s not an easy recovery but with expert treatment progress can be made, albeit slow. Keep your (knobbly) pecker up.
Empathetic Eden
PS that girl who was impaled on and pierced by your knobbly willy, you'll be glad to hear has been fully rehydrated now. She can't walk yet, or sit, or stand, but she's fully rehydrated.
Oh Dear.
What we have here is a classic case of grandiose delusional disorder. It’s unsurprising really that you have been struck down with this, indeed I saw it coming. It isn’t uncommon in chronically shy people like your self, with acute low self esteem issues and knobbly willies. Delusional Disorder, while serious, can be treated by a combination of pharmacotherapy (gin + tonic) and psychotherapy (Eden’s couch, bed, kitchen table, on top of the washing machine etc.) It’s not an easy recovery but with expert treatment progress can be made, albeit slow. Keep your (knobbly) pecker up.
Empathetic Eden
PS that girl who was impaled on and pierced by your knobbly willy, you'll be glad to hear has been fully rehydrated now. She can't walk yet, or sit, or stand, but she's fully rehydrated.
Dear empathetic Eden
Thank you for your prompt reply. It's interesting you diagnosed me with a delusional disorder, interesting in that it would appear you are the one with the problem.
As a keen amateur psychologist it's painfully obvious to me that you are suffering from a recently discovered condition known as discreetbuddy syndrome. It's a minor mental delusional disorder, which can spiral out of control and cause the sufferers to become violent and aggresive over the most trivial of matter e.g. People putting the incorrect condiments in their drink.
The sufferers of this syndrome (of which several have been discovered recently) project their awe towards the object of their affections by trying to make humorous remarks about them, which serves only to highlight their infatuation.
The symptoms are easily identifiable, women become hot flustered and excitable while chatting, forumming or emailing with the other party, they are also known to experience severe dampness in their private area while thinking of me..,,, I mean the person in question.
Be honest eden you know that you're a sufferer.
The treatment for this syndrome is long and hard and must taken orally and vaginally thrice daily for two to three weeks.
Dear Agony Aunt,
We would like to attend a party in the near future, however as most of the good parties are not advertised, and are by private invitation only, we do not know where to start. We do not know who is hosting them, and therefore we cannot pm these kind people to advise them that we would be interested in attending.
We are not an ugly couple (so weve been told), we are sociable and we respect everyones boundaries. However we cannot seem to get an invite to said parties. We have made quite a few friends on here, and most people on here seem to like us. We are now wondering if we are doing something wrong?
Thanks in advance for all your help!
Kindest Regards,
Wondering In Wicklow
Dearest Alicolwic,
This needs urgent attention!!
May I suggest that you organise a party of your own and invite those that you know who organise parties along, getting to know them :rascal: and such!
Then you will meet up with folks who may ask ye both along to future parties.....just an idea like! ;)
I wish you all the best and may the force be with you :thumbup:
(not in agony) Aunty Amber :rose:
This needs urgent attention!!
May I suggest that you organise a party of your own and invite those that you know who organise parties along, getting to know them :rascal: and such!
Then you will meet up with folks who may ask ye both along to future parties.....just an idea like! ;)
I wish you all the best and may the force be with you :thumbup:
(not in agony) Aunty Amber :rose:
Dear agonisers,
I have another problem, bear in mind I didn't receive satisfactory solutions to my other problems but one learns to live with not only being almost too good in bed but also being hung like shergar on steroids. It's a burden I've learnt to bear.
My problem is I find it almost impossible not to make a pun or smutty remark whilst having a conversation.
The other day a woman asked me for a double entendre, so I gave her one!!! See I even do it here.
Can you help me to be less awesome and hilarious. It's becoming a burden, especially at my job (undertaker).
Please help
yours
Witty in Wicklow
Dear Witty in Wicklow
With this new problem, it sounds to me like you might be losing the left side of your brain. Don’t worry, you’ll be all right. The cure is simple. Try going seven days without making a pun and see if it makes ya weak.
With regard to your previous problem – you were given an expert diagnosis; you’re delusional. Almost too good in bed? I’d say you were distinctly average but I don’t want to be mean. Hung like Shergar on steroids? You do have rather large circumfrence; but that’s from too much pi.
As for being too hilarious and awesome for your job: I’m pretty sure that your clients can handle it; they’re DEAD!
Everhelpful Eden
With this new problem, it sounds to me like you might be losing the left side of your brain. Don’t worry, you’ll be all right. The cure is simple. Try going seven days without making a pun and see if it makes ya weak.
With regard to your previous problem – you were given an expert diagnosis; you’re delusional. Almost too good in bed? I’d say you were distinctly average but I don’t want to be mean. Hung like Shergar on steroids? You do have rather large circumfrence; but that’s from too much pi.
As for being too hilarious and awesome for your job: I’m pretty sure that your clients can handle it; they’re DEAD!
Everhelpful Eden
Dearest Eden,
I see your syndrome has flared up again. You have been taking the prescribed treatment haven't you??? If not, bad Eden if so I might have to prescribe something more akin to a suppository. I shan't be able to administer it myself as I don't want to turn you into a kebab.
As for the left side of my brain not working, total nonsense, the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and trust me my right hand is certainly working properly. I only tested it out a while ago as I looked at sparks private gallery.
You also spoke about my appendages and bedroom prowess as if you had first hand knowledge, surely some mistake. Maybe you slept with someone who looks like me. Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Ryan Reynolds have all passed through Dublin on film junkets recently. Perhaps it was one of them you slept with and confused them with me as it is often remarked that I am like a combination of all threes best attributes.
Or perhaps as I suspect it was wishful thinking on your part. Not the I blame you for wishing. You are only human in fact.
It's understandable we all have our little addictions, I mean I used to be addicted to soap
But I'm clean now.
In closing I hope you get the professional help you need.
Yours
Stupendously handsome in south Leinster
p.s. I've recently started weightlifting, it was tricky at first but I soon picked it up.
Dearest Eden
Man V Machine
I had a recent experience which has left me unsure of my feelings and my ability to adapt to certain situations ....let me supply the background to assist you in hopefully helping me...
I had the recent pleasure of paying a visit to a stunning pervette from the site :thumbup:. I was under no illusion why i was there ...She wanted a work-out on the Ding Gym :doggy:... All good so far
Things were progressing wonderfully a few circuits of the gym and I was feeling good enjoying the company
of this very wanton sexy woman... Then it happened mid-thrust i reached up and wanting to grab the headboard instead i grabbed THE RABBIT :eeek:.... Like any good porn I stopped still for about 15 sec (they call it buffering) to be nudged and asked what I was doing. So i brought THE RABBIT out from its burrow and said i want to use it on my host (like a child with a new digger on Christmas morning :bounce: ...she seemed happy about this I failed to say i didn't have a full license to drive such a machine and made the MAN mistake of thinking if women can drive them so can I (BIG MISTAKE)....The room was very dark and I started to press buttons like a play station handset until it started to wiggle.... The big bit was moving like a wobbly john travolta in any direction with the flashing lights on i was feeling good.... gave it a whirl and all seemed good...I was/ still am afraid of the small ear bit but I can get over that...
Then it happened I got brave and wanted to use the ear bit down below the big bit resting and me magical tongue on the pervettes hotspot...Again my host was well happy but i hit the wrong button the big bit start wigglin and it knocked me front tooth out and wedged in me Lip....:crazy:
A&E tooth missing Rabbit wedged in me top lip and bruised ego....The look the nurse gave me I'll never forget it as long as I Swing..... They use pencils not spoons when u get a random erection btw .....I am now afraid to use me coffee machine..I cant turn on anything with a light and me Willie wont go hard....
Please tell me there is a place I can go to get driving lessons with these complex machines... I also want to declare my Admiration to all you women out there that drive these lethal machines everyday
Any Advice?
Ding
Man V Machine
I had a recent experience which has left me unsure of my feelings and my ability to adapt to certain situations ....let me supply the background to assist you in hopefully helping me...
I had the recent pleasure of paying a visit to a stunning pervette from the site :thumbup:. I was under no illusion why i was there ...She wanted a work-out on the Ding Gym :doggy:... All good so far
Things were progressing wonderfully a few circuits of the gym and I was feeling good enjoying the company
of this very wanton sexy woman... Then it happened mid-thrust i reached up and wanting to grab the headboard instead i grabbed THE RABBIT :eeek:.... Like any good porn I stopped still for about 15 sec (they call it buffering) to be nudged and asked what I was doing. So i brought THE RABBIT out from its burrow and said i want to use it on my host (like a child with a new digger on Christmas morning :bounce: ...she seemed happy about this I failed to say i didn't have a full license to drive such a machine and made the MAN mistake of thinking if women can drive them so can I (BIG MISTAKE)....The room was very dark and I started to press buttons like a play station handset until it started to wiggle.... The big bit was moving like a wobbly john travolta in any direction with the flashing lights on i was feeling good.... gave it a whirl and all seemed good...I was/ still am afraid of the small ear bit but I can get over that...Then it happened I got brave and wanted to use the ear bit down below the big bit resting and me magical tongue on the pervettes hotspot...Again my host was well happy but i hit the wrong button the big bit start wigglin and it knocked me front tooth out and wedged in me Lip....:crazy:
A&E tooth missing Rabbit wedged in me top lip and bruised ego....The look the nurse gave me I'll never forget it as long as I Swing..... They use pencils not spoons when u get a random erection btw .....I am now afraid to use me coffee machine..I cant turn on anything with a light and me Willie wont go hard....
Please tell me there is a place I can go to get driving lessons with these complex machines... I also want to declare my Admiration to all you women out there that drive these lethal machines everyday
Any Advice?
Ding
