When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart.
Girls -- Please have a sense of humour!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think s he was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
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When Girls dont put out!!!!! :)
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Sex God
Absolutely brilliant!!!!!!
Warming the Bed
hey laois, great tread
:red... sorry but I think thats just nasty... ok on a piss take level I gess it's funny, ironic even.. but if I thought someone was with me just for the things I can buy.. and I don't think of women as just a thing I can stick my cock in..I bet this was written by a yank.. it's very shallow,I just think that this kind of thinking lessens us all,dont treat your relationships as a battle to be won or lost,life is too short,enjoy the love your given,fec.. I love being cuddled...I love sex to,but theirs more to a person,woman or man, than one organ.. sorry if I'm ranting, and as allways :red sorry for the bad spelling
Master of Sex
Brilliant fell off the chair laughing here:evil2::thrilled::evil2::thrilled:
Warming the Bed
Very good. Why didnt I think of that for my ex.
Laois...dont get me wrong,I do know it's a joke and its funny,I did have a laugff at it, honest my humor is wayyyyyyyyy out there lol, my point (badly put I know :-o)is the whole thing I'v seen in people I know,who treat their realaseonships as some kind of battle to be I know I'm just being odd sorry, and it's not ment to be a rant at you I'v met you .your lovly folks, 
but I have a theory about words, and how their used, like the C word, fec, lol I could rant for Ireland lol about words, tell you what,, next time we meet I'll bore your socks off about it :-o
but I have a theory about words, and how their used, like the C word, fec, lol I could rant for Ireland lol about words, tell you what,, next time we meet I'll bore your socks off about it :-o 
Warming the Bed
no no no whats wrong with a hug a cuddle we all feel like just arms around each other love not about money and i am male i love a cuddle a kiss . and weather married , friends , no should be respected no joke ,friendship comes first i think maybe right maybe wrong but freedom to say what we want just my opinion
IF YOU CAN'T LAUGH AT THIS, YOU CAN'T BE HUMAN!
At the end of the tax year, the Inland Revenue office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.
While the agent was checking the books he turned to the Accountant of the Hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages.
What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"
"Good question," noted the Accountant.
"We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way.
"What about all these plaster purchases?
What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Hospital Accountant, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question.
"We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Accountant.
"Well," he went on,
"What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Accountant.
"What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the Inland Revenue Office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick. :P
