Quote by user=muldernTcell
I want to know did he knock it on or turn it over.
Oh that was a definate turn or rather flip over
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Uncle Mulders Agony Uncle Service
Dear Muldern,
I have been engaged for almost 15 years now and we recently decided to tie the knot. My fiance is much younger than me, actually her mother is the same age as me. She is not only extremely attractive, but really great and understanding ( the mother, I mean). She is helping put the entire wedding together, and last week invited me to her place to go over the invitation list.
So, when I got to her place, we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred ... and thats when she floored me. She said that in a few months I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom, saying that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there scratching my head, or should I say my cranium in case you get the wrong idea, for a minute. I decided there and then that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door...
There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good man and would be true to their little girl(she is nearly 40). I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.
Now the problem is Muldern, should I tell my fiance what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was devious and insulting to my character?
Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the
reason I was walking out to my car was to get a viagra and a few condoms?
What really worries me about this is the fact you have being engaged for 15 years. Does the phrase "poo or get off the pot mean anything".
As to Momma I think a little blackmail is in order tell her to have sex with you or you will tell her little angel about their devious plan. Better still see if you cant arrange for threesome with mom and daughter on the the pretext of mom showing you both "how its done".
Oh and the other matter in future keep a viagra and some condoms in your pocket for those "important little moments".
NEXT
Virgo
:grin:I suppose you could call them crunchie cream eggs
P.S.:-o I hope Muldern doesnt get mad for answering in his thread... you wouldnt like Muldern when he gets madDear Uncle Muldern,
I've been chatting to a very nice young man on the site for some time now and the time has finally come for us to meet. He is a farmer and has invited me to the country next Saturday night. As a city girl, unused to rural terminology, should I be alarmed when he declares, rather excitedly, that he can’t wait to show me his “smallholding�
Eden in Dublin.
I've been chatting to a very nice young man on the site for some time now and the time has finally come for us to meet. He is a farmer and has invited me to the country next Saturday night. As a city girl, unused to rural terminology, should I be alarmed when he declares, rather excitedly, that he can’t wait to show me his “smallholding�
Eden in Dublin.
Dear Muldern,
I have a friend. She has this problem. For some time now she has been trying to get a certain person to recognise her and organise a meet but to no avail. She is getting more frustrated as the days go on and I am afraid that she might do something rash like jump on the first guy she meets just to unleash her pent up sexual tension.
My question is, and in order not to offend her, how do I tell her that her bum looks big in the jeans she just bought.
Any advice will be greatly rewarded.
As for her sexual tension we will have to discuss it face to face.
Frustrated from Kildare 
Quote by user=Eden
Dear Uncle Muldern,
I've been chatting to a very nice young man on the site for some time now and the time has finally come for us to meet. He is a farmer and has invited me to the country next Saturday night. As a city girl, unused to rural terminology, should I be alarmed when he declares, rather excitedly, that he can’t wait to show me his “smallholding�
Eden in Dublin.
Dear Eden
Do not be afraid of viewing his "smallholding". What to us simple countryfolk (pauses to spit and drink some more moonshine)is a smallholding will in actual fact to one of you city be huge. Everything is bigger in the country Eden, must be something in the water. So in esssence, do not be afraid Eden embrace his smallholding slip into somethi9ng more comfortable ( wellies) and walk all over it. Pick it up smell it and inhale the fragarance. You may find it needs trimming Eden and he would probably love you to drop the mowing bar put your PTO in gear and give his smallholding a good going over. Put simply Eden, JUST DO IT.
Er perhaps I should have added that a smallholding is a piece of Land.
NEXT.
Quote by user=sexyleggs
Dear Muldern,
I have a friend. She has this problem. For some time now she has been trying to get a certain person to recognise her and organise a meet but to no avail. She is getting more frustrated as the days go on and I am afraid that she might do something rash like jump on the first guy she meets just to unleash her pent up sexual tension.
My question is, and in order not to offend her, how do I tell her that her bum looks big in the jeans she just bought.
Any advice will be greatly rewarded.
As for her sexual tension we will have to discuss it face to face.
Frustrated from Kildare
Dear Frustrated in Kildare,
A wise man once said "All good things cum to he who waits"
Thats a load of B*****ks.
You need to confront this Guy show him what he is missing. Take the bull by the Horn sexyleggs. If the mountain wont come to Mohammed then Mohammed must cum to the mountain.
As to your pent up sexual tension perhaps a cold shower would work, thats what I use as I myself am endeavouring to meet a certain Lady and we keep missing each other like ships passing in the nite.
Perhaps you would care to share one of these cold showers with me and we can spend some time at the in and outs of your problems. Get our heads down and really get stuck in. Do a little brainstorming and see if we cant seek some mutual resoulution to our pent up sexual tension.
I am sure there are some stand up methods of getting to the bottom of your problem and I will give it my personal attention (a real hands on approach. If you think that this might afford you a modicum of satisfaction then I am at your service.
Ps You will need to send picture of friend in jeans or friend herself before I could venture an opinion on the matter of how her bum looks in said Jeans. I know this sounds like a cop out but having been on the end of a slap of a handbag on numerous occassions for answering that question erroneously then you can understand where I am cumming from.
I would say next, but this may take me some time perhaps all nite !!!!!!
