This is going to be a long post, so go make yourself a cup of coffee and take the phone off the hook.
When we embarked on this swinging venture, I expected to get disparaging comments here and there. After all, I'm not eighteen any more and I've had three kids. It shows, but I love my body. To me wrinkles are beautiful, because they're the handwriting of time whispering of character gained over years. I expected sneers here and there because people are nasty sometimes, and they don't often realise how deeply hurtful their words can be.
What worried me more, was the prospect of anyone saying anything hurtful about my man. Like mine, his body is not perfect. Yet it is, at the same time. I've noticed women seem to agree with me that looking like a Greek god is not the be-all and end-all. If you're a muscle palace and you have no finesse, you're unlikely to stir much female interest.
Bull is fit and healthy, and to me his allure lies in who he is overall. I know from certain incidents in our life that I'm not the only woman who finds him attractive. Still, we have our faults, and web cams are particularly unkind: they accentuate the white wobbly bits you'd rather have hidden.
I was concerned about letting others watch us. I have always been a bit of an exhibitionist, and Bull surprised me by revealing a similar streak. Being watched turns us both on, but the thing is, the kind of sex I find pleasurable truly isn't what I imagine people would prefer to watch. I like a slow, steady rhythm in his thrusts - the jittery slap-slap-slap of porn movies leaves me aghast, not turned on. I like Bull to be passive, to lie back and enjoy my ministrations. In the missionary position, I prefer his legs to be over mine rather than wrapping mine around his waist, as in that way he rubs against my clit just so, and I find it easier to cum. But from a spectator's point of view, all these preferences of mine are not pretty at all.
Last night we went on cam for the second time, though the first had been just a nervous dip of toes into the water, really. My motivation is complicated, and related to our overall motivation for entering into this world in the first place. Knowing others are possibly jerking off to the sight of us fucking makes me feel almost as if I'm being generous. If it does the job for someone, and at the same time enhances our pleasure, why not put the cam on now and then when we're making love?
Furthermore, I feel our photos misrepresent me, in a way. They came out so beautifully, and make me look fab. Somehow they hide the saggy bum and tits, the mom-of-three flabby belly. Going on cam is my way of saying, "This is what we really are. Don't be fooled into thinking you're getting involved with a perfect body when you chat to me."
For the most part people were fantastic, complimenting and encouraging. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to you, you know who you are. You relieved great anxiety on my part that we would just look silly, and not really turn anyone on.
But as the Tayto ad said, there's always one. More likely a few. I was too busy to pay attention to what was being said in the room while we were having sex, but at times when I adjusted the cam or switched it on and off, I did catch a comment or two. I'm very likely being over-sensitive, but 'He's just lying there, is he dead?' and 'He looks like he's about to have a heart attack' - well, that played into my deepest fears over hurtful things being said about Bull. He just laughed it off and licked me some more off cam, but I find myself all hackles up, mother-bear mode and wanting to snarl at everyone to leave him alone.
In all fairness, when you switch your cam on to let others watch you have sex, you can't throw your toys out of your cot if someone points and laughs (not that anyone seemed to do that last night, it's more a question that putting it in those words seems to sum up my fears). That is not what I'm trying to do here, honestly. I often roll my eyes when I check out a cam to a certain view. The way I see it, if I don't like it, I just switch to another cam, or don't watch any cam at all. I don't convey my thoughts to the person in question, because that will just hurt his/her feelings, and what possible good can that do?
Yet others have a right to say what they think, and fair play to them. I disagree with expressing my thoughts if I'm not impressed or, as is often the case, if I'm amused rather than turned on, but I want to stress that I fully understand not everyone feels the same. I would not want the opressive atmosphere of people being too worried about hurting others to speak freely. The lovely relaxed feeling of the chatroom means you're sometimes going to hear things you don't like, and you just have to handle it.
I'm finally getting around to the question I promised in the subject line:
Ladies, how do you deal with it when others say things about your partner, when the two of you are on cam, that hurt you?
I am also curious to know whether other women in long-term relationships feel as protective over their men as I do. Bull and I have eaten a few bags of salt together. This is the man who saved me from an abusive situation, who was strong enough to stand up to others who hurt me, and strong enough to stand up to me when needed (something no other man had been capable of doing before him). He stuck with me through enormous trauma, and was strong enough to help me not blame myself. He endured my immaturity when we got together, and supported me as I grew and learned.
My love for him cannot be encompassed by mere words. I owe him my life, and I'm not exaggerating. Without this man I would be a crippled, scarred human being. I will fight my fingers to the bone to protect him where he's vulnerable as I know he will for me. The way he's approached the matter of us giving greater sexual freedom a go only makes me love him more.
I hope there are other ladies on here who feel the same about their partners. I'd love to hear from you on how you deal with the very few negative comments we are unavoidably going to face, either through here or through a private message.
Thanks for reading this far, I'm nothing if not wordy.
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Question for ladies in couples who cam.
Question for all: Do you like raw, unstaged sex in all its flawed glory on cam?
Master of Sex
Wow Boo.....hugely impressed by ur honesty and elloquence, and more than a little moved i have to say.:inlove:
I know that ur post isn't aimed at me (being a bloke like), but I'd like to add to it if u don't mind...
When we joined, almost a year ago now (doesn't time fly when ur havin fun eh?), Jax took to the cam immediately. She seems to really enjoy showing herself off, but having the element of safety and control that the cam gives u. She's quite a shy girl really, tho u woldn't know it most of the time, and i was, and still am, really impressed. But the first time we went on cam together she got some really hateful remarks....only from one or two men, but it upset her deeply, despite the huge amount of support and positive comments she was getting from the rest of the folks in the chat room. Like u with Bull, I am very protective of her, and had the major culprit been present i would quite cheerfully have disembowled him with my bare hands. To see someone u love reduced to a blubbering wreck by one sentence from a complete stranger and be powerless to do anything is really not good for the soul, well not mine anyway. Her self-image has never been great (can someone please teach this woman to love her body....i been trying for 10 years but i'm getting nowhere), and it took a lot of courage for her to go on cam in the first place, but even if that hadn't been the case I would still have been raging.
Anyway, i got a skin like a rhino when it comes to me, but ur walkin on very thin ice when u say somethin aout her, and it's very hard sometimes to detach urself from what's said on the screen....i don't think she worries about what folks say about me (not that they do usually - not where i can hear anyway), coz she knows i don't give a fuck what anyone except her thinks of my body, but i know she's vunerable to comments about her, so i am as well.
To be honest Boo, ur lucky, in as much as you only have your own anger or distress to deal with, and not someone elses as well. If he doesn't care what they say about him, fuck 'em hun.
As for what position ur in, or how much he is or isn't doin, u have to ask urself this.......are you on cam for the benefit of others, or for ur own pleasure? If ur doin it for urselves (and i hope and assume u are from what u say) then why care what the eejits out there think? If ur about puttin on a show for others then u might have to think about gettin less out of it as it were, in order to give those watching a better performance. I think for most people there is an element of both, it just depends on the balance between the 2 as to which side of that particular line u stand on.
So, here's a big "fuck you" to all of those sad bastards who sit alone, and watch with their dicks in their hands, and cast aspersions because we don't look or behave like pornstars - here's a newsflash for you assholes......it's coz we ain't.
Sorry Boo, needed to get that off my chest.
Andy
For some reason your whole post didn't come through when I first brought it up on screen, and now it has, it's my turn to say I am deeply touched.
Quotes from Losmags in italics.
When we joined, almost a year ago now (doesn't time fly when ur havin fun eh?), Jax took to the cam immediately. She seems to really enjoy showing herself off, but having the element of safety and control that the cam gives u.
Amen. That is precisely what I feel. I have always enjoyed showing off my body, but learned the hard way that people seldom understand your motivation is not to get them to screw you, it's just something you enjoy doing.
I unlearned my natural propensity for a touch of exhibitionism to the point where I don't even wear sleeveless shirts. Discovering a place where I can indulge this pleasure in a safe environment has been fantastic.
She's quite a shy girl really, tho u woldn't know it most of the time, and i was, and still am, really impressed.
I absolutely understand how Jax's mind works, being in actual fact quite shy and downright insecure about your body (like you, Bull is forever telling me I have no idea how beautiful I am. I still think it's just because he loves me that he thinks so!) but, contradictory as it may seem, to like showing it off.
But the first time we went on cam together she got some really hateful remarks....only from one or two men, but it upset her deeply, despite the huge amount of support and positive comments she was getting from the rest of the folks in the chat room.
That is terrible. I wish people would realise that what they say affects real people who may have had to scrape very hard to find the courage to do this. I understand that what turns one person on will leave another cold, but as in all things, if you don't like it just go elsewhere, why put the effort into breaking someone else down? To everyone who frequent the chatroom, please understand this: all you're doing if you post nasty comments is prove you are an absolute arsehole. How can you expect people will want to meet with you if you act like that?
Re supportive comments, yes, I find the majority of people on here are lovely and I got a lot of wonderful encouragement.
Like u with Bull, I am very protective of her, and had the major culprit been present i would quite cheerfully have disembowled him with my bare hands. To see someone u love reduced to a blubbering wreck by one sentence from a complete stranger and be powerless to do anything is really not good for the soul, well not mine anyway.
I wager every man on here who loves his woman would feel the same.
...it's very hard sometimes to detach urself from what's said on the screen....
I think we should all bear that in mind.
To be honest Boo, ur lucky, in as much as you only have your own anger or distress to deal with, and not someone elses as well. If he doesn't care what they say about him, fuck 'em hun.
:grin:
As for what position ur in, or how much he is or isn't doin, u have to ask urself this.......are you on cam for the benefit of others, or for ur own pleasure?
You've hit the nail on the head there. We are in this for our mutual pleasure. Last night when he said he wanted to be on top of me, knowing that's what I love best, I knew it would look different from the way it's usually done, and not at all elegant (we have a big mirror in our room, I know what a spectator would see :scared: ). But I had decided beforehand I will not change anything for the sake of looking good, so we went ahead doing our thing, our way!
So, here's a big "fuck you" to all of those sad bastards who sit alone, and watch with their dicks in their hands, and cast aspersions because we don't look or behave like pornstars - here's a newsflash for you assholes......it's coz we ain't.
:clap: What I think is clear is that we're all vulnerable here, and if you want to throw stones and be nasty, others might be angry enough to do the same.
Andrew M. Greely said in his book God Game:
"Sex is comic. Anyone who does not understand that, is a fool. There must be delicacy in it, but dignity is impossible."
Katharine Hepburn said:
"Only the really plain people know about love - the very fascinating ones try so hard to create an impression that they soon exhaust their talents."
Andy, you have completely relieved my anxiety. I'll add my "fuck you" to the one you gave to all those who are nasty:
Boo.
Quotes from Losmags in italics.
When we joined, almost a year ago now (doesn't time fly when ur havin fun eh?), Jax took to the cam immediately. She seems to really enjoy showing herself off, but having the element of safety and control that the cam gives u.
Amen. That is precisely what I feel. I have always enjoyed showing off my body, but learned the hard way that people seldom understand your motivation is not to get them to screw you, it's just something you enjoy doing.
I unlearned my natural propensity for a touch of exhibitionism to the point where I don't even wear sleeveless shirts. Discovering a place where I can indulge this pleasure in a safe environment has been fantastic.
She's quite a shy girl really, tho u woldn't know it most of the time, and i was, and still am, really impressed.
I absolutely understand how Jax's mind works, being in actual fact quite shy and downright insecure about your body (like you, Bull is forever telling me I have no idea how beautiful I am. I still think it's just because he loves me that he thinks so!) but, contradictory as it may seem, to like showing it off.
But the first time we went on cam together she got some really hateful remarks....only from one or two men, but it upset her deeply, despite the huge amount of support and positive comments she was getting from the rest of the folks in the chat room.
That is terrible. I wish people would realise that what they say affects real people who may have had to scrape very hard to find the courage to do this. I understand that what turns one person on will leave another cold, but as in all things, if you don't like it just go elsewhere, why put the effort into breaking someone else down? To everyone who frequent the chatroom, please understand this: all you're doing if you post nasty comments is prove you are an absolute arsehole. How can you expect people will want to meet with you if you act like that?
Re supportive comments, yes, I find the majority of people on here are lovely and I got a lot of wonderful encouragement.
Like u with Bull, I am very protective of her, and had the major culprit been present i would quite cheerfully have disembowled him with my bare hands. To see someone u love reduced to a blubbering wreck by one sentence from a complete stranger and be powerless to do anything is really not good for the soul, well not mine anyway.
I wager every man on here who loves his woman would feel the same.
...it's very hard sometimes to detach urself from what's said on the screen....
I think we should all bear that in mind.
To be honest Boo, ur lucky, in as much as you only have your own anger or distress to deal with, and not someone elses as well. If he doesn't care what they say about him, fuck 'em hun.
:grin:
As for what position ur in, or how much he is or isn't doin, u have to ask urself this.......are you on cam for the benefit of others, or for ur own pleasure?
You've hit the nail on the head there. We are in this for our mutual pleasure. Last night when he said he wanted to be on top of me, knowing that's what I love best, I knew it would look different from the way it's usually done, and not at all elegant (we have a big mirror in our room, I know what a spectator would see :scared: ). But I had decided beforehand I will not change anything for the sake of looking good, so we went ahead doing our thing, our way!
So, here's a big "fuck you" to all of those sad bastards who sit alone, and watch with their dicks in their hands, and cast aspersions because we don't look or behave like pornstars - here's a newsflash for you assholes......it's coz we ain't.
:clap: What I think is clear is that we're all vulnerable here, and if you want to throw stones and be nasty, others might be angry enough to do the same.
Andrew M. Greely said in his book God Game:
"Sex is comic. Anyone who does not understand that, is a fool. There must be delicacy in it, but dignity is impossible."
Katharine Hepburn said:
"Only the really plain people know about love - the very fascinating ones try so hard to create an impression that they soon exhaust their talents."
Andy, you have completely relieved my anxiety. I'll add my "fuck you" to the one you gave to all those who are nasty:
Boo.
Master of Sex
Boo hun, if what i put has made u feel better I'm really pleased to have been of service.
I think that a lot of the single males (no all mind u, but a significant proportion, and they are the biggest culprits) don't see the folks on cam as people at all, but as abstacts, in much the same way they do porn....an opportunity to transplant urself into the place of the man (or woman, depending on their inclination) and fantasize that u r taking part.
As has been said many times here, in chat and on the forums, this ain't a porno site, yet it will always attract people who will treat it as just that, and if you don't measure up to their fantasies they get disappointed, and sometimes abusive.
Like you, we go on cam to enhance our own experience simply by the act of letting folks watch.......yes, sometimes we do things differently whe we r on cam, but it's the cam itself that inspires this, not a desire to put on a show for people. We like the fact that people watch, and that they get off on us getting off on each other, otherwise we wouldn't be doing it.
Just keep doing what you do, don't let the haters get to ya (god that sounds hip and trendy lol), and if they can't take a joke....fuck 'em.
Andy
Sex God
Boo Thanks for writing this post( I brought me fl;ask of tea and biccies with me beforehand..thanks for the heads up ;-0)
very well put across and touching as well. I think that few nah sayers that do throw such mindless crap into the chat rooms when a cam show is going on really do need a smack upsode the head.
I was in a room Last night where a lady was doing a show and amist the teenage rabble from men of all ages saying what they would and would not do to the lady on cam, one individual dropped the complete tone of the room with a comment that was totally arbitary at first but would have lead to something being asked that was totally out of line in the context of this site.I quickly nipped it in the bud, but it really made me think what exactly some people do be doing when they look on cams besides the obvious.
To anyone that goes on cam with theyre lover and lets the voyers opn here see inside a very intimate and treasured side of their relationships I say fair dues to you, its not an easy step to take and by all means I hope that you all do it for yourslef and not for the benefit of a few face less cocks.
Make, yes, it's astonishing sometimes when you browse through the cams to see how many cocks are watching! :wank:
Again, fair play to all the guys who can get off on other people's pleasure rather than the staged show porn is. They are doing me and Bull a favour, because we get off on knowing we're being watched, so if they weren't there... um... we'd still screw each other silly, actually. But just like using a little toy can put a new bit of fun in your sex life, so an audience is a unique pleasure.
In the end I'm not going to let one or two thoughtless comments spoil my fun, or the fun of the majority of people there who watched and commented in the same spirit of having a laugh, sharing the fun 
, in which we switched on the cam.
:taz:
, in which we switched on the cam.
:taz: hi boo, i enjoyed your post and i must say that it is refreshing to see a good few replies, i myself do cam both alone and with my partner , neither of us are asthetically beautiful, however,we do enjoy the cams in the chatroom, i saw yours yesterday, and i thought ye looked great. raw passion is what turns me on, if i wanted to watch unrealistically perfect people have sex , i would watch porn, i much perfer seeing real couples on cam , true sometimes the webcam shows us in an unflattering light, however, i think that most genuine swingers are well aware that people come in all shapes and sizes, and thank god for that, after all if we all looked the same the thrill of swinging would soon turn into boredom, i think there are two types of individual here on site, those who are mature enough to appreciate the glimpse of intimacy without commenting or directing , and those who have stumbled across this site and think that they have the right to comment, frequently those who fall into this group never cam themselves and perfer to hide behind a username anonymous and smug in their opinions.
We need more genuine real people on this site, so do not let the few upset you, please continue to give us a thrill when the mood takes you. xx ava
Ok i certainly amn't as articulate as u guys wen it comes to expressing my view but can i jst say i laughed not at u on cam but at ur comment that u didnt love ur body...i actually said to anto jesus she has some body, i was envious...and i loved it cos it was real. i dont know how anyone can be turned on by porn to be honest.
also the stuff said in here is very touching, god i hope my longlife partner will love me jst as much and i him...
Thanks again to all who contributed here! You won't believe it, but Bull got back from work last night, read the post and was very puzzled over why precisely I had been upset. He couldn't for the life of him understand why I had a problem with those comments. 
I suspect from all the input on this thread that us ladies are more sensitive to what's said, and more likely to be hurt :violin:, while the men generally have rhino skins. :sparring:
So men, bear that in mind and be careful what you say. :upset:
And ladies, bear that in mind and try to remember they might not even realise they were being hurtful. 
Even so, guys, think of it this way: just like you have a wee sensitive spot physically, :kick: we ladies have one huge sensitive spot :love:
Thanks again to all who shared their experiences on here with me.
Boo 
I suspect from all the input on this thread that us ladies are more sensitive to what's said, and more likely to be hurt :violin:, while the men generally have rhino skins. :sparring:
So men, bear that in mind and be careful what you say. :upset:
And ladies, bear that in mind and try to remember they might not even realise they were being hurtful.
Even so, guys, think of it this way: just like you have a wee sensitive spot physically, :kick: we ladies have one huge sensitive spot :love:
Thanks again to all who shared their experiences on here with me.
Boo Sex God
Avalon,
You made a great point there. Personally I get very turned on watching real people have sex, porn lost its shine for me a long time ago as the actors look.....(sorry performers hardly actors lol) as if they are going through the motions and just doing it for the pay check.
the majority of us prefer to see things for real I think.
(can someone please teach this woman to love her body....i been trying for 10 years but i'm getting nowhere)
Hi Andy Im on my way
Boo
Just though I would add a comment as a single man on this site, we have an old saying here in Ireland "if you have nothing nice to say say nothing at all" it a code I live by in general not just in the chat room or on this site.
I rarely watch the cams unless the person Im chatting to is on cam, I dont get anything from watching a couple have sex on cam but I would defend to the death your right to do so. It is sometimes fun to watch a couple on cam particularlly if there is a bit of banter going on with other chaters but as such there is always one imature pup that comes along and ruins it by making an inseseitive or downright abusive comment, even if the couple on cam dont see it the rest of the chatters that were having fun normally end up turning on the idiot that made the comment and the mood is ruined. :taz:
Oh and by the way Avalon I know your comment about people that don't cam was not aimed at everyone but for the record I don't cam in public rooms but it is not because I am hiding beind a chat name having :wank: well not all the time anyway
Hi Andy Im on my way
Boo
Just though I would add a comment as a single man on this site, we have an old saying here in Ireland "if you have nothing nice to say say nothing at all" it a code I live by in general not just in the chat room or on this site.
I rarely watch the cams unless the person Im chatting to is on cam, I dont get anything from watching a couple have sex on cam but I would defend to the death your right to do so. It is sometimes fun to watch a couple on cam particularlly if there is a bit of banter going on with other chaters but as such there is always one imature pup that comes along and ruins it by making an inseseitive or downright abusive comment, even if the couple on cam dont see it the rest of the chatters that were having fun normally end up turning on the idiot that made the comment and the mood is ruined. :taz:
Oh and by the way Avalon I know your comment about people that don't cam was not aimed at everyone but for the record I don't cam in public rooms but it is not because I am hiding beind a chat name having :wank: well not all the time anyway
Hi Boo I just read your post fully for the first time, I was struck by your honesty more than anything.
I am also curious to know whether other women in long-term relationships feel as protective over their men as I do. Bull and I have eaten a few bags of salt together. This is the man who saved me from an abusive situation, who was strong enough to stand up to others who hurt me, and strong enough to stand up to me when needed (something no other man had been capable of doing before him). He stuck with me through enormous trauma, and was strong enough to help me not blame myself. He endured my immaturity when we got together, and supported me as I grew and learned..
Boo after reading the above, my advice for what it is worth, you are one lucky woman and Bull one lucky man..
Don't ever worry about disparaging comments from arseholes who populate swing sites.
Don't give a damn if your wobbly bits are up to your ears, real people have them! How many of us don't?
To those who made nasty comments, I say come on be brave show us yours'!
If camming gives you both pleasure Boo, let it be a pleasure, an experience you both share in the knowledge that you are both confident in your obvious love for each other, that you are willing to share that experience.
