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Problem page...
Dear Dora......
I am being stalked by a strange man , who keeps refering to Jack Daniels and a camel...
Today he even promised me a long slow sensual ride, but then he disappears
Dora should I use the old stalking method on him,I know you are a great advocate of it, would standing outside his house, place of work ect..get me the long slow sensual ride, he talks about.? Should I try and find the camel and ride into his village,call and pretend I am delivering said camel?
Goldenknicks..
Dora should I use the old stalking method on him,I know you are a great advocate of it, would standing outside his house, place of work ect..get me the long slow sensual ride, he talks about.? Should I try and find the camel and ride into his village,call and pretend I am delivering said camel?
Goldenknicks.. 
You won't have to try too hard. :grin:Dear Dora
I hope you can help. For the past few days a strange woman has been stalking me, standing outside my house, she even rides my camel sometimes when I'm not looking. 
She is extremely attractive :lickface: and I would love to get to know her much better, but she seems very shy. The other night there was a knock on the door, :welcome: and when I opened it all I saw was a note on the doormat, something about gin. Well now what's a gin-lovin' boy to do? I followed a trail of notes all the way north, but eventually lost the trail and was mistaken for an environmental officer as I was picking up all these pieces of paper, empty cigarette boxes and condom wrappers with notes scribbled on them.:small-print:
I'm still none the wiser as to where she lives, what she really wants, or most importantly, whether she actually has a large gin supply or not. :beer:
What should I do?
She is extremely attractive :lickface: and I would love to get to know her much better, but she seems very shy. The other night there was a knock on the door, :welcome: and when I opened it all I saw was a note on the doormat, something about gin. Well now what's a gin-lovin' boy to do? I followed a trail of notes all the way north, but eventually lost the trail and was mistaken for an environmental officer as I was picking up all these pieces of paper, empty cigarette boxes and condom wrappers with notes scribbled on them.:small-print:
I'm still none the wiser as to where she lives, what she really wants, or most importantly, whether she actually has a large gin supply or not. :beer:
What should I do? 
Quote by user=dora
i feel your thirst bull.. it must have been terrible to be 'banjaxed' at the vital moment???.. however...i have good news... the lady in question has informed me of her address and you can have it at no cost bar my consultantcy fe which is a mere 1000 euro... i take credit cards and checks but cash is good too.... we can exchange 'numbers ' soon im sure.
Dora he isn't going to damn want me now:O
Unless we beat a grand out of him
Two humps ???
That's more than you get with most guys - I'll take it!
That's more than you get with most guys - I'll take it!
Quote by user=dora
marie now now.. i get 3 humps every ride i meet.. its organised not like the camel..... as far as the payment bull..... im totally happy. and so is the gin.. i mean jack.. i mean Addies.. feck. the booze is good bull m m m ...
So has the cash swapped hands Dora?
Can I get me new knickers out?
Did you post him the brown envelope?
Is the camel out of the equation?
Will I need a ton of gin for meet?:mrgreen:
I hope the Athlone Garda remember to get that camel to me, sitting here waiting on a good ride - again.
Dear Young Scientist Girl
"Boy Wonder" is lying, of course. Forget about him.
I won't promise to take you anywhere specific, but I guarantee you'll enjoy the ride. And there will be loads of empirical evidence of our mutual enjoyment that we can spend time analysing and evaluating.
:mrgreen:
Regards,
Bull.
Quote by user=dora
ok.. here's one i got today..
dear Addies..
i have recieved lots of mesages from a guy called 'boy wonder'.. he says he will take me to heaven in 15 mins.. now i am a normal person but i think it would take longer than 15 mins to get to heaven... they havnt even invented a rocket to get to the 1st black hole yet.. what will i do?..
young scientist girl ..
Dear young scientist girl ( weird name but however ) you need to blow boy wonder out of the pond hunni..
15 mins to heaven!!!!! sheesh any guy promised me that, I would jumping of the bus( metaphoricaly speaking of course ), it is going to take you at least 15 mins hun to warm him up, and for that he promises 15 in return..typical!
Write back hun and tell him his rocket is a damp squib!!
Heaven is 1 hour foreplay, 1 hour shared and 1 hours rest before beginning again..
ps young scientist ignore bull, he is in trouble with the department of environmental health for impersonating an officer, stalking and keeping a camel with intent..
Dear Young Scientist Girl
I would caution you to be extremely wary of any advice you receive from Offally or Dora; when they are not hitting the Jack Daniels they can usually be found pole dancing to raise funds for new underwear, and by the time they get around to answering letters they are not in any state to do so reliably. And Offally still owes me her address, and a reverse cowgirl extravaganza. I'm thinking of hiring an attorney but can't afford one what with all the toys Boo's been buying herself. As for the camel, that is all hearsay.
Kind regards,
Bull.
PS: I'll give you a lot more than 15 minutes.
just wanted to check if it was safe to come back in from cold. hope u got camel back bull UPS said they would deliver it ok. As for boos sex toys if she needs a hand test driving them i am available. As to advise i will quote polonius from hamlet " neither a borrower nor a lender be" here endeth the first lesson TTFN and have lots of sex lifes too short, Mulder
Quote by user=muldernTcell
just wanted to check if it was safe to come back in from cold. hope u got camel back bull UPS said they would deliver it ok. As for boos sex toys if she needs a hand test driving them i am available. As to advise i will quote polonius from hamlet " neither a borrower nor a lender be" here endeth the first lesson TTFN and have lots of sex lifes too short, Mulder
Of course you're welcome back Mulder, just make sure you bring Mrs T with you to keep you in line. And stay away from the camel, it's now trained to sit on anyone who doesn't behave......
Quote by user=dora
dear Offally,Dora,Bull and all others who offer 'great' advice here.... you see, im afraid of blowjobs... the last person who gave me a BJ had long teeth and scratched the bejezas out of me... .. how can i guarantee that i wont get this uncomfortable experience again???..
yours
Hotstud..
Dear Hotstud,
Ah, a classic case of fellatiophobia. I recommend finding someone with no teeth, until you've overcome your fear.
Regards,
Bull.
Dear Dora and everyone else who knows me:upset:
I finaly plucked up the courage to tip-toe up to Bull's house last night , with the intention of quietly slipping my address through his door, then scurrying off to hide in the bushes..
Dora it was horrendous!!!!! The door was ripped open, ( I mean ripped ) by a tall slinky blonde , wearing very little I can tell you..
She yanked me in by the knickers ( I went prepared Dora just incase he was free ) and she began screaming at me, 'Is it you woman causing my Bull's night-sweats, his inconherent ramblings in the shower?????' Oh Dora I was sooooooooo scared her eyes were red with the rages, and the pain was unbearable ( she still hand my best frilies in her hand )..I have a terrible wedgie hun, still applying sudocream...
Eventualy I thought to shout 'oh look Boo there is a cock behind you, she let go of her grip,turned around and I fell out the door, I kept to the boreens Dora and finaly made it home:upset:
Dora is this a lost cause hun?
Is Bull playing hard to get?
Is the wife really mad? ( I mean how many women open the door at night in a Nuns habit? )..
Do I need protection?
Help me Dora please!!!!!!!!!!!
Goldenknicksxxxxxxx
Think I have a case to go to the Camel Ombudsman:
I sent liberal quantities of wine and Jack Daniels to purchase a camel for retraining in the Cork Academy of Funny Fekcers - said camel has not arrived in the predicted 28 days from receipt of payment and I am led to believe that it is being held against it's will and made to perform strange antics with a Bull .
Could you advise if a written agreement on a website chat forum stands up to legal scrutiny or do I have to pursue this through the Small Claims Court - or do I simply have to hire a hitman, take out the Bull and hijack my own camel???
I leave this in your knowing hands and will hold off the Wikipedia search for a Bull Hitman just for now!
Anxious Funny Fekcer in Cork
I sent liberal quantities of wine and Jack Daniels to purchase a camel for retraining in the Cork Academy of Funny Fekcers - said camel has not arrived in the predicted 28 days from receipt of payment and I am led to believe that it is being held against it's will and made to perform strange antics with a Bull .
Could you advise if a written agreement on a website chat forum stands up to legal scrutiny or do I have to pursue this through the Small Claims Court - or do I simply have to hire a hitman, take out the Bull and hijack my own camel???
I leave this in your knowing hands and will hold off the Wikipedia search for a Bull Hitman just for now!
Anxious Funny Fekcer in Cork
Offally, are you sure you went to the right house?, 'cos we were out night before last. I think it might have been Mulder's house you went to. Boo hasn't worn a nun's habit since 1995 (the first time SA won the rugby world cup, it's a long story).
Didn't Dora have the camel last? Or was it Jax? All I know is, I am camel-less, gin-less and worst of all offallyaddress-less.
Please try again, if you like I will tie Boo up and keep her busy while you deliver said address.
Marie, yes, a post on the Problem Page is a legally binding agreement according to the Swingers Interaction Act of 2009. Several prosecutions are being lined up: Dora has been indicted for dispensing advice whilst under the influence of Jack Daniels, Offally is due before the court to answer charges of causing the involuntary impersonation of an environmental health officer, and Mulder is being accused of, well, just being Mulder.
The court is now in session, the honourable Judge Bull presiding (judge, prosecuting attorney and jury). You are allowed another swinger to represent you if you so wish. Mandatory sentence is death by hanging but this is usually commuted to sexual favours for the judge :small-print:
:grin:
Please try again, if you like I will tie Boo up and keep her busy while you deliver said address.
Marie, yes, a post on the Problem Page is a legally binding agreement according to the Swingers Interaction Act of 2009. Several prosecutions are being lined up: Dora has been indicted for dispensing advice whilst under the influence of Jack Daniels, Offally is due before the court to answer charges of causing the involuntary impersonation of an environmental health officer, and Mulder is being accused of, well, just being Mulder.
The court is now in session, the honourable Judge Bull presiding (judge, prosecuting attorney and jury). You are allowed another swinger to represent you if you so wish. Mandatory sentence is death by hanging but this is usually commuted to sexual favours for the judge :small-print:
:grin: Sweet lord above Dora, you better sort this lot out, Addies is on her way back from her trip to LA....
Hide the camel, pay the feckin fines, put her good knickers back in the drawer, replace the Jack Daniels, un-tie Boo!!!! on second thoughts leave her, Addie may want to play with ( sorry sort ) her out, get Marie to kidnap the Judge, Mulder will help, when the aliens have stopped probing him..
I warned you Dora weeks ago, when the botox and cement set hun, and the chest was inflated to a whopping 48 dd she would return, omg would you listen no:eeek::eeek:
You ran around after Bull like a Kerryman with a new sheep, like a virgin in a car factory be warned Dora there will trouble ahead...:uhoh::uhoh:
:taz:Ummm when can u FIT us in offally. Have probe in hand (they wont let me into this restaurant again, no really waiter i am really a health inspector and this is my thermometer for checking the temp of the meat no there are no numbers on it they were rubbed off too much use)
So the when and where is up to you offally but lets not have too dark of a nite or the probe might go where no probe has gone before lol :evil2: :taz:
Dear Dora...
WHEN YOU FINALY DRAG YOUR ASS OUT OF BED CAN YOU HELP PLEASE...
MuldernTcell have gone crazy again, they are wondering the countryside with probes, scaring the wits out of the locals, apparently Cavan had to be evacuated and the National Guards, aided by fighter pilots from the US ( crosses legs and goes..yummmmm)..
It looks like a Sate of Emergency Dora, women and men are leaving their homes and flocking to the latest probing sites, bairns are going unfed, cattle left wondering when the next feed is due..
DORA DO SOMETHING !!!!!!!!!!
