Dear Problem Page frequenters.
I have had the strangest experience, and hope you can help me figure out if I'm insane or if this is just a really weird place to live.
This weekend, Bull and I set off to a little get-together with some good friends, about twenty minutes' drive from our place. Just as we got in the car, I saw a flash of something golden... could swear it was a glimpse of the knickers of the woman who got in her car and started following us.
We passed a field and Bull slammed on the brakes in mid-conversation, screaming something about a camel. He was gone for a good hour, but returned looking very happy and smelling of gin. He insisted he'd only spilled a little while pouring it into a bucket, but I ask you, why would he pour gin into a bucket? You'd think he was feeding it to some animal.
We set off again, and when we arrived I was puzzled to see all the cars there sporting bumper stickers: "I got probed in Cavan". Wtf?!
Now, there were a few people at the party whom I hadn't met before. One of them immediately started berating Bull, demanding to know where her camel was and moaning about humps. I was about to tell her about the strange incident on the way there, when Bull loudly shouted he had no idea where the camel was and had most emphatically not found it and taken it back to our home.
He then led the still grumbling lady from the room to show her the lovely view outside, I heard him muttering he could at least take care of the humps.
In the meantime, a woman arrived whom I was really sure I'd seen lurking in our street. I could swear it's the one I saw flashing her golden knickers as we got in the car. She wouldn't believe I was Boo, insisted the real boo was an angry amazon in a nun's habit. She wouldn't go near me, whimpered about a wedgie and her best knickers.
Well, Bull returned, looking a little disheveled, and the lady who complained about the camel and the humps told me one out of two is better than nothing.
As the evening progressed we all got more relaxed and soon I was too knackered to stay up. I went to bed, asking the ladies to take care of Bull. They jumped up and down with glee. I meant of course making sure he has a drink and doesn't fall over. Bull insists he did go to bed too, but I must have been sleeping really soundly as I didn't notice him getting in beside me.
I'm not sure what kind of drinks were served, but they've had a strange effect on Bull. He's been smiling since we left the party. Even in his sleep. And I forgot to add he stopped on the way here, ran home, and returned half an hour later to drive me the rest of the way. The garden is covered in camel shit, but where it had come from I have no idea.
What am I to make of all this? Am I going insane?
Boo
Dear Boo,
Well all the evidence has been collected ( and destoyed )...
I..The villagers have sworn , there was no golden flash of light, and you were not being followed.
2. The cars you mentioned, were indeed visable, but the stickers read, 'Jesus loves me'..
3. Two locals claimed that you entered premises, grabbed a bottle of wine, and refused to let go, until all of the liquid was drained..
4. Bull did not leave the room at any stage, he did however stagger around a few times, mumbling about camels, but he was easily distracted by some god awful canadian music..
5. Boo shouting ' Take him, take him, leave the camel, just take him, in a room full of women, was a teeeeeeny bit dangerous, you only have yourself to blame , shame on you!!!!!!!!
The case is now closed Boo, we feel you must address your drinking probs, and stop using it as an excuse to turn up dressed as a nun, yelling 'probing anyone?'....
Yours Golden...
Well that's it Bull.
I'm setting up a committee of investigation to investigate this investigation. :kick:
Boo. :sparring:
I can't get them off Boo, GK. Should I just send Boo and the knickers together?
:high-smile:
Due to your pain and suffering I am also sending a complimentary bottle of Jack Daniels, three bottles of gin, and a set of frilly pink knickers to go with the "I got probed in Cavan" t-shirt that you love so much.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..Interesting pressies:smoke:
Knocks Dora panning, The feckin knicks were mine:huh:
I know what is written on the knicks:smoke:
Return to sender:rascal:
okay I concede I lost to Dora:violin:
Dear GK and Dora;
I hope you can help me; I have a serious problem.
Every time I get an erection, I stop thinking. Is this a common problem among men? Now Boo might say that I seldom think anyway, but I've noticed a correlation between, um, you know, and, for example, not being able to tell the difference between a window and a mirror.
:high-smile: Bull
Your golden knickers are on the way, by special courier. Boo is bringing them herself because she doesn't want to take them off until the last possible moment.
Due to your pain and suffering I am also sending a complimentary bottle of Jack Daniels, three bottles of gin, and a set of frilly pink knickers to go with the "I got probed in Cavan" t-shirt that you love so much.
Kindest regards,
Bull. :inlove: 
since there appears to be some confusion over the ownership of the golden knickers, I am going to have to put the pressies on hold, and try to decide who is the rightful owner. :sticky:
I initially thought of doing a Solomon thing, you know, I'm gonna cut these knickers in two and give you each half, but then I noticed that there's something written in marker pen on the label..........only the real owner could know what is written.....answers here please, the owner gets the knickers back, and me! (and the Jack, and the gin..)
Bull :high-smile: 
:evil2:
??:
- forget the girl's name
- can't tell if the image in the mirror is someone who looks like me watching me from outside. 
- I can never remember the opening line of "Hotel California"
Is this normal?
Bull :high-smile: 
eye:
And ffs, ladies, unless three of you want to come and move in here, there's no fucking way I'm letting that happen.:fuckinghell: The man wears me out as it is.
Please help.
Boo. 
Bull.
