Dear Agongy Aunties,
I have recently Noticed My Turnips have failed to emerge yet, despite the Ideal conditions for turnip growth and My efforts to sing ' Maccarena' to them late at night by Candle light when that north west wind isnt cutting the bollix of me( I like to wear ass less chaps late at night in the turnip patch..very Liberating) anyhoo...I was wondering any Idea's when My turnips might start to poke theyre little turnipy shoots through the soil...Its been 8 weeks now.
Dear Agongy Aunties,
I have recently Noticed My Turnips have failed to emerge yet, despite the Ideal conditions for turnip growth and My efforts to sing ' Maccarena' to them late at night by Candle light when that north west wind isnt cutting the bollix of me( I like to wear ass less chaps late at night in the turnip patch..very Liberating) anyhoo...I was wondering any Idea's when My turnips might start to poke theyre little turnipy shoots through the soil...Its been 8 weeks now..
You will have along wait in your assless pants, turnips will not be ready until November/December..
So the little shoots are still nestling snug in the ground, probably very much fecked off with yor singing and minching about, leave them alone!! go and find a young wan to take your mind of the turnips!
Nothing quite like a garden worker Titan to turn a woman on:mrgreen::mrgreen:
"Bull, honey, I just hid your camel in the back garden, behind those bushes you keep forgetting to trim. Yes, it's still here, you just didn't notice. It gave me this really sweet, sad look when I wanted to get rid of it... oh, just listen to me, will you. Camels are good in deserts, right? Well, get out of your favourite chair and put that gin down, Dora is in trouble. Take some ant spray while you're at it. And those crotchless jockey pants I bought you for Christmas. Oh, and this pair of silk knickers, Dora's ones will be full of sand."
bull could you hop on camel and pop over and release dora from top of anthill, appears to be enjoying it too much which wasnt the point. So boo now that hes gone why dont you sit on my lap and see what comes up.
sorry dora came and went. Boo still has enigmatic smile on face . Have made good my escape thru bulls bush. Boo was correct he really needs to take a shears to it. Well I am off to search for the legendary slightlysexy. some people say she is a myth but I believe. The truth is out there :taz:
Dora leave my centre pole alone, its my tent. well ok just this once you Boo and offaly can erect it. mind where you put that tent peg the camel out side they spit much like my centre pole and offaly can you shimmy upto top of pole and tell me what u see. Has Bull finished trimming his bush and if he hasnt maybe the camel will nibble on it. Oh Dora did you bring any of the ants with you i want to pop some into Titans underpants as he slaps me on ass each time he screws my wife. I dont mind him doing that but i just wish he wouldnt use my ass to keep count.
Dora having sex with armchairs is hazardous to health hence falling off. Could have stunted your growth or something else. I am off now to library as I have a strange swelling in the groin area. hopefully there is a book or perhaps a pretty librarian who can help me with my dilemma or at least point me in the right direction.
PS The damn camel followed me home after nite i desert with Boo. I am not going to feed it for a day or 2 in the hope that it is a homing camel and heads back to Bulls bush which if he doesnt trim the damn thing will be visible from outer space and may attract the unwanted attention of some passing aliens and Bull you know what those boys do with their probes. :taz:
PPS Is the camel neutered as have noticed it sniffing round my backdoor and we wont be having any of that nonsense here thankyou very much.
Dear Bull it appears to me that u are suffering from a nasty case of happens when Boo takes control of your life and makes all the decisions. The best cure would be to strap her to bed and tease her with a variety of sex toys whips etc taking her to the edge of orgasm and pulling back each time. Several hours of this should suffice before you allow her to orgasm. This will leave her in such a state of orgasmic bliss that the last thing on her mind will be changing your profile. If you require a demonstration of my techniques a visit can be arranged however Boo may not recover for sometime. :taz:
Dear Dora,
It is really my bffl needs help, she is being stalked by a strange naked man on a camel:eeek:..
Every time she leaves the house, he follows her the camel is shittin in the cul-de-sac and the neighbours are talking about a vigilante group:eeek:
She is also getting strange midnight phone calls from a very weird woman, demanding her hubby back, Dora my bffl is very good living and the shame of these episodes is causing her to consider leaving the country.. any idea Dora I don't have many bffl's:cry:
NOTICE
Would owner of derranged camel found wandering on shoreline please call to Carlingford Garda Station for collection. No reward. Owner must pay feeding and cleaning costs incurred before said aminal can be removed.
I have been authorised to Issue the following statement on the behalf of Mulder.
" I did not have sexual relations with that camel. There was a moment or 2 while the camel was in my posseesion and i was being ably assisted by Boo and offaly that one or the other of them slipped and fell (boo/offaly)and I being a gentleman threw myself underneath them to break their fall. Unfortunately on more than one occassion these very fine upstanding ladies may have been accidentally and I reiterate the point accidentally ahem penetrated. I can only apologise for this gross violation and Dora who witnessed the events will state that on none of the occasions did i show the slightest sign of enjoying myself even when the ladies became agitated and gyrated their pelvises I did what i could holding them tightly till they stopped. As to the whereabouts of the camel I can only state that the due to some fireworks becoming lodged in the camels ass and being ignited accidentally i hasten to add, the last time Mr Mulder saw the camel was it shot off across the desert with flames coming from its ass. Mr Mulder would like to apologise for this unforunate event Bull. however we believe that the camel has been found safe and well (kind of). Thankyou for your time I will not be answering any more questions today.
Dear Dora,
How do I get to replace your dildo with my dick?
Dora and Offaly, My Turnips still arent showing.
Never thought I'd be doing this, but its my first time writing into an agony aunt, really hope you can help....I have gotten this sudden craving for bananas the last few days...really bad ones....cravings that is not bananas...I like ripe bananas btw....the kind of ones with a luvly curve and just ready to pop open at the lightest of touches...can you please help its driving me nuts, in fact Im eating nuts, constantly....not sure if its to try and stop the carvings or just to have something in my mouth as way of compensation....between the overdoes on nuts and lack of bananas Im going bonkers here...heeeelllppp pleeease....
Yours in Frustration
Buxy
:P :P :P
You are probably low in Potassium Bux ...
But you can play with my Banana whenever you likes ..... Lol...
Buxy,
Your in luck, I have that bannana,,,, don't be coi.... lol
*** The Mind, it plays tricks ***
Dear dora thanks for the fast reply and great advice, cheered me up no end, and starting to get in shape as we speak for my push up marathon mmmmmhhhhhhh.
And Buxy being wreakin my brain trying to come up with a solution to your bananna problem, and believe it or not think I might have found a nice curved on for you that I'm hoping will do the job, if I lend it to you for 24 hours i think it might be able to go some way towards warding of those urges u are having for a time at-least, u might need a few goes with it to gain maximum satisfaction :-)
'I may be some time...offally, we have til October ya say ?':doggy:
All donations of an Organic Based Lube greatly accepted..I have a feeling I am going to need it.:smoke:
What's a bffl? :-?
And if Dora doesn't sort this out she is soooooo leaving:cry:
