Below are a sample of 'STRANGE' jobs advertised on an American site:
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It's a small strange world (wide-web)
A man checks into his hotel on a business trip and, feeling a bit
lonely, he thought he'd call one of those girls advertised in phone
booths when calling for a cab.
He looked in a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl
calling herself Veronique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.
She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long
wavy hair, long graceful legs…..
He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel and dialed.
'Hello,' the woman says……… God, she sounded sexy!!!
'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my
room and give me one. No wait, I'll be straight with you. I'm in town
all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it
now! Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've
got in your bag of tricks.
We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate
syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?'
She says, 'Sounds fantastic! But you need to press 9 for an outside line!!'
A man who has relocated from another part of Cavan walks into a Kingscourt pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.
An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time,
several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the "Man Who Orders Three Beers."
Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town.. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?" "Tis odd, tisn't it?"
the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers
whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond." The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and soon the "Man Who Orders Three Beers"
became a local celebrity and source of pride to the village, even to the extent that out-of-towner's would come to watch him drink.
Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening: he orders only two beers.
The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers. The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother.
You know-the two beers and all...."
The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."
Sexlightened
AN IRISH GHOST STORY
This story happened a while ago near Kells, County Meath, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale... it's true.
~~~~~~~~
~~~~
John Reilly, a Cavan man studying in UCD, was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.
John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly.
John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling
everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... and wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Reilly sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...
Look frank... there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!
A Cavan driver is pulled over by a Garda on the N3 from Dublin on his way home. The Garda approaches the driver's door.
"Is there a problem Garda ?"
The Gar
da says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The Cavan man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The Garda is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The Garda says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The Garda says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the Garda is getting irate. "You what!?"
"She's in the boot if you want to see."
The Garda looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five Garda cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior Garda from the serious crimes squad slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior Garda says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem Garda ?"
"One of my men told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The Garda responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The Garda says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The Garda, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my Garda claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the Garda. The Garda opens the wallet and examines the license.
He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my Gardas told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost a child while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Ford."
Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford."
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the "kicker":
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.
AND...................:
Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a warehouse...
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater..
