What am i doing wrong? I just cant seem to get laid. Heres a little about me.
I've been described as a lanky little fucker but i told mammy "don't be calling me names like that in mass. I've been growing my hair for some 13 years now so tis really lovely & hides the scars, so me mammy says anyway. I have 4 fields & my disability pension so i would be a great catch to the right lucky lady. I'm a regular bather & have no problem with bowel movement, the bran keeps me regular, sure the mammy knows best. I'm willing to move the old weather beatin hatchet face into the local pound should the right woman come along... so, ye lovely ladies, i'm here for the taking........
My ideal woman would have to have long hair like mammy's and answer to the name minnie ( i loved that dog ). No time wasters please as i'm expecting a rake of replies & tis first come first served (wink wink). You must be able to supply an alibi at a moments notice & capable of raising bail. Must have lovely full figure, strong back, powerful legs, own teeth & hair (no blue rinse) Ideally from Dublin area, Your own tractor & land would be a great old bonus...................
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All ideas and thoughts would be much appreciated please...Yours horney, Mark
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I Cant get laid *snigger*
:lol2::lol2::lol2:
Master of Sex
Anna 2 camels and a dog aint a dowry lmfao
Casanova
Quote by user=anna77
Lass.. u forgot my hamster ! :lol2::lol2:
Anna I have a combine harvester if that is of any use and also a good plough too.....lmao..
Quote by user=vanity
GOD NUMBER7 MAMMY BOYS ONE LIFE GONE LOL MONEY GRABBER TWO LIVES GONE HEHE WILL I GO ON LOL CALLING YOUR WOMAN A DOGS NAME 3RD LIFE GONE LOLHAVE TO SAY YOUR NOT A BAD BIT OF STUFF:doggy: DID YA SHOW THEM PICS LOL
I did indeed show them pics but sure i had the auld discoloured dentures out at the time and my glass eye wasn't sitting in rite, feckin hell some people can be so materialistic.
:rotflmao::rotflmao:Spotted recently in a local paper " Lonely Executive seeking some female companionship, I own numerous Companies so financially sound, I would like to pamper the right female with some of the profits and show you my assets! I travel alot so any location will be not be a problem. I will even collect you in style in my top of the range Company cat" hmm here puss! Often wondered did he get any takers?
Quote by user=happylouth
Spotted recently in a local paper " Lonely Executive seeking some female companionship, I own numerous Companies so financially sound, I would like to pamper the right female with some of the profits and show you my assets! I travel alot so any location will be not be a problem. I will even collect you in style in my top of the range Company cat" hmm here puss! Often wondered did he get any takers?
Ooh ... sounds like my ideal man Happy.. Did u get his number by any chance???
Quote by user=happylouth
Spotted recently in a local paper " Lonely Executive seeking some female companionship, I own numerous Companies so financially sound, I would like to pamper the right female with some of the profits and show you my assets! I travel alot so any location will be not be a problem. I will even collect you in style in my top of the range Company cat" hmm here puss! Often wondered did he get any takers?
Very good happy
Heres an old one but its a classic though.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, race unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play, take long walks in the woods, hunting, camping, fishing trips and cozy winter nights by the fire. Really like a man with a pickup truck. A candlelight dinner will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. Kiss me and I’m yours. Call (***) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.
Quote by user=anna77
number7.... I come with a dowry u know
Dowry! oh she sounds really lovely, that your friend or sister? Sure bring her along, lovely name very countryesk.
:lol2::lol2::lol2:
Aww numberseven.. sorry but i don't share men... i'm too greedy :lol2:
Your rite you should be greedy, Finding a good man is like nailing Jello to a tree.
Dear numberseven (U can rub ur cream all over my face & 
hwoar: btw),
I should like to apply to your recently advertised position of doggy :doggy:.
If you call me minnie, I will happily lick my (ha!:laughabove: ) I mean your, balls, and if u give me a bone I will lick, suck nibble gnaw & play with it until it is quite spent.
..Tractor... hmm ... it's not exactly a tractor ... more what u'd call a spade ... but I will stay out all day diggin the spuds with it & only take a break when it's time to feed the twins. (I can usually lay my hands on a screwdriver at short notice as well.)
Don't actually have any land but I do have a limp plant in a pot and you're more than welcome to sow some new seeds in there.
My hair might be a little bit of a problem but I'll start growing it as of now & I shall book an appointment tomorrow to see if a pink rinse will cover the blue. (Meantime, if I wear a headscarf while I feed the hens, and pin on a bit of old horsehair, you'll hardly know the difference. :P )
Oh & don't worry about the bail - I don't have any money but I have most of the prison wardens licked :lick:
I would be available to start shagging immediately if my application was successful.
Yours sincerely,
hornyonea
p.s. i am a virgin, I hope that doesn't matter?
hwoar: btw),
I should like to apply to your recently advertised position of doggy :doggy:.
If you call me minnie, I will happily lick my (ha!:laughabove: ) I mean your, balls, and if u give me a bone I will lick, suck nibble gnaw & play with it until it is quite spent.
..Tractor... hmm ... it's not exactly a tractor ... more what u'd call a spade ... but I will stay out all day diggin the spuds with it & only take a break when it's time to feed the twins. (I can usually lay my hands on a screwdriver at short notice as well.)
Don't actually have any land but I do have a limp plant in a pot and you're more than welcome to sow some new seeds in there.
My hair might be a little bit of a problem but I'll start growing it as of now & I shall book an appointment tomorrow to see if a pink rinse will cover the blue. (Meantime, if I wear a headscarf while I feed the hens, and pin on a bit of old horsehair, you'll hardly know the difference. :P )
Oh & don't worry about the bail - I don't have any money but I have most of the prison wardens licked :lick:
I would be available to start shagging immediately if my application was successful.
Yours sincerely,
hornyonea
p.s. i am a virgin, I hope that doesn't matter? 