Little did longjon and his band of able Semen know that the island on which Mulder and Rain had landed was inhabited by 7 Foot tall amazon women,. They had captured Rain and Mulder as they were about to ( well lets leave that to a later date). They decided to use Mulder for Umbongo ( much like sex but for the normal male having sex with an amazon resulted in a crushed pelvis and expiring with a grin on your face). As Mulder was about to be dragged off to fate worse ( hang on I will try anything once) ok a fate yet to be determined, Rain piped up have u girls ever tried it on with another girl. All eyes turned toward Rain and for the next several weeks Rain nothing if not thorough showed the amazons how to pleasure each other. A new word was addded to their language and the words "Was RAIN good for you" could be heard along with the orgasmic yodels long into the night. Mulder meanwhile was cast into a pit where he spent much time contemplating would he ever find ikea would he ever lay on a sprung matress and last but not least would he ever get laid. Rain came to the pit each night to tease him so that on the night longjon arrived he dragged himself out and was searching for something to shag. He spied the boat and a cunning plan came to him.
When longjon and his men set foot on the shore they were ambushed by the amazons and carried off towards their camp. Thye would face Umbongo and the whole pain /pleasure thing but at least they would die happy. Mulder boarded their boat and prepared to leave. Rain looked at the departing amazons and at the boat. Would she join Mulder on his quest for Ikea. Would she ever find something to wear apart from the lace holdups. Would she return and become one with amazons. So many questions so little time??????
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Creative Writing
...or would Rain stay, as she knew something that she had not told mulder. When the amazon women saw longjon they were very impressed...they had never seen such a big peg ( leg that is ). They immediately carved it into a phallus and longjon was placed on a pedestal and given godly status...i might add that he was given the finest o'dearest matress that could be got (they had salvaged it from a container ship which had ran aground on a nearby island). The amazon women, helped by rain of course, continually polished longjons peg, and kept it nice and moist (need i say how).
Now when longjon saw mulder boarding his boat ...he was very upset..he had actually bought this boat . Some months before this episode longjon had decided to go straight and give up his evil ways. he and some of his semen bought the fishing boat from NAMA..it was reposessed from a donegal fisherman turned property developer. He was about to contact the rest of his semen to have mulder captured and walk the plank,,,when rain interceded to save mulder...promising him to even further polish his peg........will mulder be saved
Luckily for Mulder a strange fog descended shrouding the boat completely. He took advantage of this diversion and set sail leaving longjon his peg ( little did the amazons know but it was riddled with termites, and would disintegrate shortly if rubbed for much longer). As for longjons semen well they would just have to do the best they could as they were ejaculated sorry ejected on to the beach. He would miss Rain and the way she might look at you. You could fry an egg on the errr sorry different fantasy. He eased the boat from its mooring and left the fog shrouded island. Where would our erstwhile hero find himself next and what had become of mrs M the eponymous Tcell.
Unfortunately for Mulder, as this is a modern day tale, longjons motley crew had a highpowered catamaran equipped with the latest radar in heat seeking cameras. It was to be these heat seeking cameras that were to become Mulderns downfall. Had they not been so randy and refrained from passionate sex (causing a noticable rise in temperature)
perhaps they might not have been noticed, as the radar on the catamaran was acting up on that fateful day.
Meanwhile Longjon was languishing on the island with Rain and the Amazon women who stayed behind. Wasnt Longjon lucky he had got some spare 75 mm oak planking with the boat when he bought it from NAMA.
Naturally the Amazon women and Rain were only too happy to carve out some new phalli, which they polished by various means.
Will Muldern be captured....or will Mrs Mulder be able to negotiate with the motley crew....What is to become Longjons fate.....
Sherrif Alan had returned refreshed from his meditation in the Convent of Phallus...but he was confused...Seamen in the forest...Amazon Women...the friar calling a neighbourhood watch meeting ... it was indeed a changes place ... had it all been a dream for the sherrif...was it time to get out of the shower ... but first some breakfast...
So Mulder decided time to put an end to longjons games with power boats and unable semen. He whipped out his sonic appendage and revealed himself to be a Swingship Captain ( like Time lords but their ahem regeneration takes longer). Mulder summoned his vessel the orgasmatron and beamed himself aboard. He invited all to join the ship for an orge on the orgasmatron. Who would join mulder and his band on rampage thru time and space where they might meet triple cocked monsters, quadruple breasted lap dancers or who knows what.
Fade to Black with those naughty Hot Gossip ladies singing I lost my heart to a Swingship Trooper ( along with one of my kidneys my credit cards and all my money the bastard).
These are the Voyages of the Swingship Orgasmatron Its endless mission to seek out new pleasures new positions. To Baldly ( in mulders case anyway) go where no swinger has gone before
Fade to Black with those naughty Hot Gossip ladies singing I lost my heart to a Swingship Trooper ( along with one of my kidneys my credit cards and all my money the bastard).
Sheriff alan was not the only one that was astonished. When Longjon returned to the forest, after been satisfied by Mulderns orgasmatron, he two found it was completely changed. High rise apartments were all over the place...as many as 40 dwellings on one great oak. Condoms...sorry condominiums were to be seen every where. Tourism Buhad taken over. But worst of all, the newly formed local council had introduced pay and park for your trusty steed....was it time to move ...longjon knew of a nice forest in carlow..who would join him in this peacefull wood where only an occasional hill walker might pass by
Master of Sex
well keaneo we will see each other soon at the big ball that robin and marion are throwing we will see if you can hold on to the bonns long enough or will little john come a fighting for her but this is all a ruse to get keaneo and make him join us ..................... will he come on our side we will see
a big ball ... the sherrif had a plan that would see an end to all his enemies ... & how convenient all meeting in the one place ... they were making it so easy ... and Sherrif Alan would have his way with Marions Maid the Bonns, & Keaneo side kick the Lemrac ... yes the Sheffif would have a ball before putting an end to his enemies
And the sheriff indeed was right, he could rely on Longjon. Longjon immediately mustered up lots of semen. Rain and Mulder brought along the amazon women (although they had been tamed by rain), still looked impressive clad in chain mail bikinis. Who could stand a chance against such a formidable force...
Capt Keaneo having heard through the grape vine that there is going to be a big ball, which Marion and Robin are holding in there castle, will use the oppertunity to at last meet up with the gang, Capt Keaneo and his crew always like to party, will he use the party to get his way with Lady Bunns,time will tell, will he meet Maid Marion at last
Keano may indeed meet the Lady Bonns & Maid Marion but the Dherrif would make sure that he would be having fun over Keaneos dead body ...the Sherrif had planns for the ladies & Little John, Friar tuck, Keano or Robin did not feature in his plans ... the sheffif would arrange for the amazon women to divert them all & then .....
a moonlight boat ride ... the sherrif would arrange that his Sherwood pirates would be at sea that night ...as the merry men could not swim Robin would have no protection ... bring a life belt Robin ...your going down ... and while the pirates looked after Robin, the sherrif could attack the castle where the others were having their mid-night feast ...
much to his disscust Capt Keaneo has been sent on a wild goose chase, thinking he was going to the Big Ball to meet Lady Bunns and Maid Marion,and the rest of the gang, he had ordered the best Robes and Underware from Paris, but now it looks like it was all a game by Maid Marion to trap Keaneo and his Loyal gang. Long John too has got the wrong message, his loyal friends have thrown him to the High Sheriff and Alan Raw Balls thinking they could gloat over the corpse of Keaneo, must come up with another plan to get rid of Keaneo,
Maid Marion and Robin good shoes, should know a wounded Animal is a dangerous thing.
Capt Keaneo and his merry band are prancing around the Forest, waiting for Sheriff Alans messengers, still no sign of anyone coming to broker a peace pact. Capt Keaneo and his band are having a party with a fresh delevery of Murphys and Bemish from the Rebel County. The party is in full swing with the Amozan ladies having joined up with Keaneo for a mega are swinging from the trees, Lions are roaring, Baboons are thumping there chests, as Keaneo and his crew get all friendly with the Amozan the sheriff coome and smooth things over with Capt Keaneo and his crew or will they return to hostilaties and mount a attack on Alan Raw balls , maid Marion and her crew. Time is running out as Keaneo gets merry with the southern brew,
Sherrif understood that there was indeed music, craic & jazz to be had in the Beamish city in Murphy Land ... could alan get there after he vanquished Robin & his marry band of wastrels .... some soothing music after a night killing & pilliging ...but where would he pitch his tent in the city of Jazz....
The Sherriff is warned.. do not pitch tent anywhere near the peasant/princess Rain. She has awoken in foul humour. Why you ask, what upset this fair maiden, why can she not turn the frown upside down?
Well I will explain dear reader...Rain was all Amazoned out and needed to rest her weary self. She had slipped into a deep melancholy(basically got fed up) with a headache to beat the band, caused by the raucous Amazonians chanting every 2 minutes..Lick pussy...Carve wood cock. It had all become a bit much for her, delicate petal that she was. Just as she was about to succumb to sleeps sweet succour, The rebel keaneo and his jocular crew woke her up.. with that terrible spelling!!
Keaneo..En Garde!!!
When the princess Rain arose from her interupted sleep, she deciced to bring her great irish wolfhounds for a walk on the beach. She was seeing things more clearly now, gone were the frantic screams of the amazonian women, and the scent of french polish was replaced by the fresh sea air. As she walked along the beach she noticed human footprints in the sand.....there was something afoot....it was.. a ..foot print...had the dreaded longjon come tohaunt her once again
while Rain and her wolfhounds 'woff woff' went for a walk on the beach Capt Keaneo and his merry crew were finishing off there Murphy's and Beamish from the Rebel County, now fully refreshed and full of drink , they go looking for game. Rain and her two wolfhounds look fair game to them as they stalk her as she walks along the beach. Keaneo and his crew are planning to lure the two hounds away from Rain eith juicey stakes , while Capt Keaneo and his loyal Cutie intend to kidnap Rain and take her back to camp . There she will be put in a tent and used by Keaneo and his crew as a play will be a slave to Keaneo and crew as they use and abuse her at their will.
while rescuing damsels in distress was not what Alan the Sherrif normally did, he could see that Rain was no ordinary damsel & was too good for Keaneo & his motley crew...although the Sherrif thought Cutie might be worth imprisoning in his castle...in time she might even make a worthy partner for the Sherrif
...so she would have t be protected from the maurading mis-spelling Keaneo & crew
...so she would have t be protected from the maurading mis-spelling Keaneo & crew
