Mrs Olsen screamed, Charles I want you now!
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Creative Writing
...who had invited to his barn-dance his 2 good friends, Stan and Ollie.
Stan had a little too much of the local hooch and took a shine to Kathleen Walton. He proceeded to serenade her with this ditty;
"In the Blue-ridged mountains of Virginia,
On the trail of the Mountain Pine,
There I met my sweet Kathleen.
Oh Kathleen, like the mountains I'm blue,
Like the pine, I am lonesome for youuuu.."
Whereon, Ollie, the straight guy, gave him a slap on the head and pronounced,"That's another fine mess you got me into; did you not know that Kathleen has 400 siblings and they all have a mole on their cheek!"
Stan scratched his head in the initable style of a true Englishman, and finally worked out that in-breeding was rife in the locality.
But, Kathleen had no mole on her cheek, and Stan wishfully thought that perhaps she had a different grand-father to the rest of her 399 siblings..
And so, it transpired that a wild colonial lad named Ned Kelly, (unconvincly portrayed by Mick Jagger), had stumbled into the neighbourhood 20 years earlier and had swept Kathleen's ma off her feet by singing to her,"Oh sweet Virginia; got to scrape the shit right off my shoe." (Side 2, Exile on Main Street)
Unfortunately, Ned had to skidaddle and Kathleen's ma had to settle with the incestuous Pa Walton, about whom Ned (aka Mick) had alluded to in his song.
Stan scratched his head again and.......
John Boy took Padds to the barn for a whooping .... and then sent Padds to the bad corner for a few hours ... no one was sure what Padds had done...but Johnboy just loved whooping some white ass ...
The girls would be home soon...Johnboy needed to get ready.... if he hid & stayed quiet he could spy on them in the shower ....Ma had told him to watch the girls.... girls would turn his head she said...only want him for his money.... girls was evil & bad MA said...but John knew what to do...
alan bate,s aka john boy was a good country lad brought up in the blue ridge mountains of viginia but swore that some day he would own his own hotel. his dream come true he decided to use the hotel for swinging and the odd barn dance. the bed rooms was simple in design just a bed some hand cuffs, dildo,s, whips and the odd blow up doll. basic stuff to have fun, all he need now was to round up some girls and guys to fill the rooms and bar. padds bonns newbie and clyde was the first customers to arrive to the hotel for this they got a free 6 pack of condoms and ky jelly. as the lads head to the bed room alan shouts lads if u need anything just........
with the story now takin so many turns and twists poor ally aka clyde aka sheriff wayne aka kirk aka john boys dad he is confused cos at 51 u start to lose ur mind and the brain calls dont work as well as the youngings like newbie and padds but ill do my best. just remember to nudge me now and then to keep me on track just in case im kirk in a waltons sceen or wayne in a star ship sceen. so if ya ever deside to do a peter pan story i want to b peter pan cos he never gets old and he dont need a zimmer frame ooooo and ill b able to fly to newbie and bonns and play with padds cos he a lost boy hahahaha.
with the story now takin so many turns and twists poor ally aka clyde aka sheriff wayne aka kirk aka john boys dad he is confused cos at 51 u start to lose ur mind and the brain calls dont work as well as the youngings like newbie and padds but ill do my best. just remember to nudge me now and then to keep me on track just in case im kirk in a waltons sceen or wayne in a star ship sceen. so if ya ever deside to do a peter pan story i want to b peter pan cos he never gets old and he dont need a zimmer frame ooooo and ill b able to fly to newbie and bonns and play with padds cos he a lost boy hahahaha.
:welcome:with the story now takin so many turns and twists poor ally aka clyde aka sheriff wayne aka kirk aka john boys dad he is confused cos at 51 u start to lose ur mind and the brain calls dont work as well as the youngings like newbie and padds but ill do my best. just remember to nudge me now and then to keep me on track just in case im kirk in a waltons sceen or wayne in a star ship sceen. so if ya ever deside to do a peter pan story i want to b peter pan cos he never gets old and he dont need a zimmer frame ooooo and ill b able to fly to newbie and bonns and play with padds cos he a lost boy hahahaha.
:doh:
after beating Ally at a game of Poker ... Alan johnboy Bates went to claim his prize ... he was looking forward to showing Bonns & Newbie his prized collections
....
Alan was very pleased with his collection ... much better that that boy racer Padds ...
While Alan amuse the girls the guys decided to measure their equipment
....
Alan was very pleased with his collection ... much better that that boy racer Padds ...
While Alan amuse the girls the guys decided to measure their equipment
there was a dance planned in the Ballroom...& they needed to practice
and sort out what to wear....
but where was the nearest Blacktie shop in the prarie that would deliver to Waltons mountain ...
meanwhile Alan Johnboy had plans for bonns & newbie
...after all there were ladies to impress .... & they knew the ladies liked a man in uniform
and sort out what to wear....
but where was the nearest Blacktie shop in the prarie that would deliver to Waltons mountain ...
meanwhile Alan Johnboy had plans for bonns & newbie
...after all there were ladies to impress .... & they knew the ladies liked a man in uniform
Master of Sex
Bonns loved a man in uniform she and newbie were in the bedroom getting dressed watching out the window at the darn wondering who was going to take them to the hay shead was it jonboy padds clyde thomasbiglad who won in the poker the two ladys needed a seeing to a real good seen to so who will it be................................
Master of Sex
the 4 men emerged from the hay barn all lookin smashing all squeeky clean hair combed cept padds he was bald but his side burns where lookin good the brill cream was thick to say the least and fly,s were dropping round them cos the underarm lotion was toxic. corporal jones aka clyde well he was just a corporal, captain mannering aka padds well he was just a captain. admerial thomasbiglad well he looked dashing not a hair out of place he could b in the running for the so wanted date with bonns and newbie,but coming out last was alan ball alan dressed like a lord polished shoes knicker bockers creased and the trap door for peeing got the girls all hot and sticky emmmmm bonns says to newbie what ya think of this guy. newbie could not answer the cat got her tongue she was in love, bonns seen this and got a little jealous but she decided that a mear corporal would b the man for her his smile made her weak at the knees even with his front tooth missing she could see that he was a real man and had what it took to please a lady. but not all was lost for padds aka captain mannering lemrac was waiting for him in the side lines just padds had to find her himself and not b led by the girls up stairs who where planning a ........
dinner party to sus out the men and see who would be the best partner for the shag down ! admerial thomasbiglad leered over to lord muck alan ball , with vengence in his eyes he plotted his dasterly plan to take out the lord as he knew alan had affections for the prize newbie !
as the men were called to the dining room the ladies drew straws as which men they would start on first ! corporal clyde seemed the best suited for madam bonns so she drew the longest straw !" whoo he mine tonight ! newbie had drawn the short straw she would have to choose between the bald and ageing padds the slick as a whistle lord alan or the admerial!! what was she to do with all this attention !!! and who would be fighting for her by the end of the night 
"Can't I have them all?" she cried, "do I really have to pick just one?". So Bonns had claimed the handsome Corporal, and thereby eliminating Newbies first choice. She could choose by rank, but wasn't entirely clear who outranked who. Alan was appealing, but it was a bit of a turn off to have a man who looked better in tights than she did herself, was it reason enough to elimitate him from her selection? Padds also had his merits, but the shine from his head was blinding. The admiral was indeed dashing, but could she tame his wild streak, and did she want to? Afterall, it was part of his appeal. Could she really choose between three such dashing men? Could just one man really satisfy her? They would have to fight it out amongst themselves whether they were willing to share, or if just one of them would claim the prize. Perhaps they should use the time honoured, traditional method of sorting such battles, Kerr-plunk!
kerr plunk...twister was much better at sorting out such quandries ... or she had heard of the legendry Glory Hole... could that help her decide
decisions ... it was so hard to choose ... maybe her favourite book the karma Sultra had the 3 into 1 really go ...
or was 3 into 1 just a mathematical condrum..but did science & maths have the answer ... amybe Alan knew
decisions ... it was so hard to choose ... maybe her favourite book the karma Sultra had the 3 into 1 really go ...
or was 3 into 1 just a mathematical condrum..but did science & maths have the answer ... amybe Alan knew
Padd's loved ker-plunk and twister too and indeed loved to be the naked chef from time to time! But refused to join Alan "get your guns" in the glory hole line up! Padd's had never experienced such thing as a glory hole nor had any intention of frequenting same. Padd's was thinking about a potential holiday he may have to take from the site!!
Veno cruise, hmm, reminded newbie of something that had been said to her earlier about sandeman port. A 'full bodied' drink that she would never be able to touch again.
But she had no time to go into that now, as she headed to work in the saloon that night, the exhaust had fallen out of her wagon, and now she pondered the long walk home at 6am through the wilderness...But she would return to the thread later with new vigour. She would explore the appeal of the psycho storyline to alan. Was necrophillia really his thing? Did he agree that the film should never have been remade? The questions were endless. She also felt the need to point out that there were several health and saftey issues with the whole glory hole thing.
But she had no time to go into that now, as she headed to work in the saloon that night, the exhaust had fallen out of her wagon, and now she pondered the long walk home at 6am through the wilderness...But she would return to the thread later with new vigour. She would explore the appeal of the psycho storyline to alan. Was necrophillia really his thing? Did he agree that the film should never have been remade? The questions were endless. She also felt the need to point out that there were several health and saftey issues with the whole glory hole thing.
By mutual consent, the long list of Newbie's suitors agreed to have a glory-hole duel for the attentions of the nubile Newbie.
A suitable plank of MDF board was purchased from Woodie's and Newbie was invited to officiate the contest.
But, Newbie had concerns about the health and safety of the contestants, and as she stood there with the starting-pistol in her hand with all the combatants standing to attention, her inherently magnanimous innerself persuaded her to lay down the pistol.
She pronounced that she would rather go without any penis than to see one permanently lost to humanity in such self-indulgent rivalry.
She then exclaimed in a fit of pique, "Hey boys, you either find a better way to woo me, or don't bother at all."
So Newbie stood there, complete with her bottle of Sandeman, and looked at the plank, or maybe was it the planks that bought the plank, and figured out should it be hung vertically or laid horizontally. Either ways, she wanted the men to be hung vertically while they planked her horrizontally!!!
Master of Sex
as bonny and clyde lay on the bed looking at the plank full of big men thingys. wondered if it could b put to new use,s but lance had a point was it safe to play with planks. ther was a new gun slinger in town a man to b reckoned with he carried a magnum (welcome 
swing2wex) and newbie was just mad bout magnums. his lovely side kick mrs swing2wex also had pionts that drove men wild the compitition is hotting up for newbie to pick her man. every thing from a magnum to a 38 was on show. bonns decided to help newbie out jumped out of the bed ran to newbie and said think we wil have to do the bj job on em. the men got themselves ready :wank:for the test that was comming and...............
swing2wex) and newbie was just mad bout magnums. his lovely side kick mrs swing2wex also had pionts that drove men wild the compitition is hotting up for newbie to pick her man. every thing from a magnum to a 38 was on show. bonns decided to help newbie out jumped out of the bed ran to newbie and said think we wil have to do the bj job on em. the men got themselves ready :wank:for the test that was comming and............... alan ball got nervious and fell at the first hurdle his pride was hurt so he retreated to a dark corner were miss swing2wex went to revive him ! this left corporal jones , the admerial and lancealot to take the challenge ! all the men lined up for inspection first up was lancealot , but nothing could be seen bonns and newbie looked but couldnt see anything " its too dark ffs !!" said lance "hold on ill get the lamp ! " " ahh now we can see said the girls hmm inpressive bonns sucked on his weapon he lasted a while but shot to soon ! " next ! cried newbie as she didnt even get a go ! padds came to the lamp " hmmm even more impressive this time newbie went in for the kill but went in too hard and again he shot too soon ! " god damm it lads sort it out ! " cried bonns , so the final contestant came forward " the admerial" O,M,G look at this one said newbie its gonna take the 2 of us bonns !! the ladies quickly started tag sucking ! but the admerial stood his ground he got harder as they kept sucking ! bonns had to stop she couldnt suck any more but newbie kept on ! she was determind to make him blow !! the admerial kept strong and his ego was growing ! BUT! just as he thought he was going to win another contestant came to the lamp and he was a worthy apponent !!!!
