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Agony Aunt
Dear Eden,
I have a real problem. I've been home for a lovely christmas break which was wonderful and relaxing however I'm now down in Galway...again (nothing against galway but I'd rather be closer to home) and I'm lonely.
Can you give me ideas for some activities to keep me occupied in the evenings, as the boredom of sitting in the hotel is terrible.
Yours
Sulky in Salthill
Dear Agony Aunt,
In the last 2 weeks I have become an injured swinger. Unfortunately the injury was not acquired during the process of such luck! As a result of this injury I find myself in the position where my mobility is slightly restricted and I am forced into not working. So Agony Aunt my problem is, How do I pass the time now? I find myself drawn in quite sizeable proportions towards the S4I website. I fear this may become an addiction. Do you think this is possible? I am open to suggestions of how to avoid such an addiction and furthermore how to pass my idle time?
Yours in boredom
Sparks28
Dear Sparks, you poor little thing,
Firstly let me apologise for the delay in administering advice - I have been away for a couple of weeks. While I’m at it, let me reiterate that any member should feel free to advise on this thread.
It's been so long since you posted, can I inquire is it still a problem? How is the injury?
Nurse on the Northside
Firstly let me apologise for the delay in administering advice - I have been away for a couple of weeks. While I’m at it, let me reiterate that any member should feel free to advise on this thread.
It's been so long since you posted, can I inquire is it still a problem? How is the injury?
Nurse on the Northside
Dear Eden,
I was beginning to think you had given up on your agony aunt post! Yes Eden I am still injured but you will be delighted to hear that I am being a brave solider and doing my best to maintain my S4I contacts. I have eased my slight addiction to the site and feel i am no longer at risk of being a complete swing addict.
yours Sparks :rose:
Dear Aunts and Uncles,
This is a problem from a girl on the site who was too embarrassed to post it herself so she mailed me to ask me for help. I'm stumped so I'm referring to you, my friends to help with her dilemma.
Helen in Howth writes:
I have had a few play dates with various few men from swing over the last few months and each time the same bizarre thing happens. Whenever the man in question and I are just about to get jiggy, they just can't stop themselves from squeezing my boob and yelling "Honk!"
Why do they do this, and how can I train them to stop? I'm really fed up of having my boobs honked.
Yours in hope,
Honked Helen in Howth
This is a problem from a girl on the site who was too embarrassed to post it herself so she mailed me to ask me for help. I'm stumped so I'm referring to you, my friends to help with her dilemma.
Helen in Howth writes:
I have had a few play dates with various few men from swing over the last few months and each time the same bizarre thing happens. Whenever the man in question and I are just about to get jiggy, they just can't stop themselves from squeezing my boob and yelling "Honk!"
Why do they do this, and how can I train them to stop? I'm really fed up of having my boobs honked.
Yours in hope,
Honked Helen in Howth
Dearest Eden,
First and foremost may I say my heart and two peaches went out to ms honked and it's like the true friend that you are in offering the advice and support of swing aunts and uncles.
What a difficult position to be placed in and it is certainly an issue most likely facing many a female the swing world over particularly those blessed or afflicted with "mammeries maximus"
There may be many reasons why these men are committing such an act .....
1. A re-enactment of a boy hood fantasy were boobies were a novelty and pre pubescent tendencies encouraged a torretts like syndrome which forced the poor afflicted boy to admit a sound affect to go with every physical action.
2. Red button syndrome. If your friend has particularly dark nipples (something I unfortunately have 
) the colour and shape of the nipple and surrounding area maybe triggering two things 1) the uncontrollable need to press or squeeze said nipple/breast and 2) as with point 1 above bring out prepubescent torrets.
Unfortunatly I do not have a pschology degree but have had some experience in this area where by the perv in question for some bizarre reason whenever we are in the throws of dirty passion an external sound affect canbe heard such as the microwave going off or an alarm that sounds like ducks qwacking although not along the same disturbed lines as Helen it is equally off putting :doggy::scared:
My 2 suggestion to try and prevent or reduce the chances of booby honking are as follows:
- grab the pervs manhood in a similar enthusiastic nature and "honk that horn", this should if anything prevent the perv from commuting a similar act on Helen. My own research has discovered pervs like their "horn" handled and once touched they can be rendered powerless or at least distracted for some time until relief has been achieved.
- place two old style car horns on each bed post and hope the perv squeezes theses instead.
I hope the above provides at least some assistance to resolve said predicament. Failing that no doubt my fellow advisors will be able to provide sound advice and guidance to Helen.
Yours
Kitten28 xx
) the colour and shape of the nipple and surrounding area maybe triggering two things 1) the uncontrollable need to press or squeeze said nipple/breast and 2) as with point 1 above bring out prepubescent torrets.
Unfortunatly I do not have a pschology degree but have had some experience in this area where by the perv in question for some bizarre reason whenever we are in the throws of dirty passion an external sound affect canbe heard such as the microwave going off or an alarm that sounds like ducks qwacking although not along the same disturbed lines as Helen it is equally off putting :doggy::scared:
My 2 suggestion to try and prevent or reduce the chances of booby honking are as follows:
- grab the pervs manhood in a similar enthusiastic nature and "honk that horn", this should if anything prevent the perv from commuting a similar act on Helen. My own research has discovered pervs like their "horn" handled and once touched they can be rendered powerless or at least distracted for some time until relief has been achieved.
- place two old style car horns on each bed post and hope the perv squeezes theses instead.
I hope the above provides at least some assistance to resolve said predicament. Failing that no doubt my fellow advisors will be able to provide sound advice and guidance to Helen.
Yours
Kitten28 xx Dearest Eden
First of all a heartfelt welcome return, you were indeed seriously missed.
I feel a bit inadequate in my following theory on the Situation Helen in Howth is currently suffering, ( considering Kittens comprehensive and all encompassing reply) but I am compelled enough to feel I must offer a Male perspective on the scenario .....
In order to arrive at my perspective I need to make a couple of observations and indeed assumptions to arrive at my hypothesis ...
Firstly I note Helen is from Howth... nothing what so ever wrong with this as I am sure the "Honking" playmates she has encountered to-date are from far and wide.
Secondly I have an Inkling I may know Helen (in a social capacity only) and I am aware of her ponchant for "Men Hung Like Donkeys" ... To put a crude but well used phrase on it .....
Finally I notice her desire to "train" the Honking Playmates to Stop this indeed bizzare act....
Bearing the three points above in mind my Theory is this .....
The men are sufferring from a rare but mainly stateside phenomenom known as " The Honky Donkey" .... This does have a musical conitation and Helens Breasts may somehow reflect a musical instrument ...
Now where my theory gets interesting is the possibility that the "Hung Like Donkey" playmates may have defects(again I must assume there are some).......... I know of a male memeber of the site who has possibly played with Helen who has a false leg who in this instance
would be refered to a " Wonky Honky Donkey " as indded the member with the Glass Eye who suffers from the "Winky Honky Donkey"syndrone...
So back to Helen ..... If I am correct she could easily change her preference to men hung like "My little Pony" and the honking may stop. She could indeed bring Old Style Car Horns to future Meets but assuming she likes the Guys she has met to-date I suggest sugar lumps, carrots a walking frame and shades to cover all bases.
I hope this is of help if a little long winded.
Safe on the Southside
D
First of all a heartfelt welcome return, you were indeed seriously missed.
I feel a bit inadequate in my following theory on the Situation Helen in Howth is currently suffering, ( considering Kittens comprehensive and all encompassing reply) but I am compelled enough to feel I must offer a Male perspective on the scenario .....
In order to arrive at my perspective I need to make a couple of observations and indeed assumptions to arrive at my hypothesis ...
Firstly I note Helen is from Howth... nothing what so ever wrong with this as I am sure the "Honking" playmates she has encountered to-date are from far and wide.
Secondly I have an Inkling I may know Helen (in a social capacity only) and I am aware of her ponchant for "Men Hung Like Donkeys" ... To put a crude but well used phrase on it .....
Finally I notice her desire to "train" the Honking Playmates to Stop this indeed bizzare act....
Bearing the three points above in mind my Theory is this .....
The men are sufferring from a rare but mainly stateside phenomenom known as " The Honky Donkey" .... This does have a musical conitation and Helens Breasts may somehow reflect a musical instrument ...
Now where my theory gets interesting is the possibility that the "Hung Like Donkey" playmates may have defects(again I must assume there are some).......... I know of a male memeber of the site who has possibly played with Helen who has a false leg who in this instance
would be refered to a " Wonky Honky Donkey " as indded the member with the Glass Eye who suffers from the "Winky Honky Donkey"syndrone...
So back to Helen ..... If I am correct she could easily change her preference to men hung like "My little Pony" and the honking may stop. She could indeed bring Old Style Car Horns to future Meets but assuming she likes the Guys she has met to-date I suggest sugar lumps, carrots a walking frame and shades to cover all bases.
I hope this is of help if a little long winded.
Safe on the Southside
D
"The men are suffering from a rare but mainly stateside phenomenon known as “The Honky Donkeyâ€.... This does have a musical connotation and Helens Breasts may somehow reflect a musical instrument...
Now where my theory gets interesting is the possibility that the "Hung like Donkey" playmates may have defects (again I must assume there are some).......... I know of a male member of the site who has possibly played with Helen who has a false leg who in this instance
Would be referred to a “Wonky Honky Donkey “as indeed the member with the Glass Eye who suffers from the "Winky Honky Donkey" syndrome... "
I think I may know both Helen and her friend too.
And have often seen them out on the Howth sea front after they have had a beer or two..... Having some outdoor fun (a bit too cold this time of year)… bird watching and blowing this wind instrument.
A case of a The Blue Tit Wibbly Wobbly Winky Honky Donkey
Yours,
Mindfull in Malahide
Now where my theory gets interesting is the possibility that the "Hung like Donkey" playmates may have defects (again I must assume there are some).......... I know of a male member of the site who has possibly played with Helen who has a false leg who in this instance
Would be referred to a “Wonky Honky Donkey “as indeed the member with the Glass Eye who suffers from the "Winky Honky Donkey" syndrome... "
I think I may know both Helen and her friend too.
And have often seen them out on the Howth sea front after they have had a beer or two..... Having some outdoor fun (a bit too cold this time of year)… bird watching and blowing this wind instrument.
A case of a The Blue Tit Wibbly Wobbly Winky Honky Donkey
Yours,
Mindfull in Malahide
Dear Aunt and Uncles,
Thank you for taking the time to consider Helen's plight and for your helpful responses. With regards to your confident, expert diagnosis, you'd never guess that you weren't qualified psychologists:jagsatwork: - kudos
Wup, aka mindful in Malahide, Helen said to say she knows you better as Perv in Portmarnock and if she sees you out 'bird' watching with your binoculars again when she's out for some outdoor fun she'll transmogrify your woodpecker into a willy wagtail and that'll teach you! She was glad however, that you were an eye witness to the injuries she has suffered to her boobs from all this honking; although, she did ask me to point out that the bruises on her tits were a variety of colours, a veritable rainbow, not just the blue that you mention.
Ding, aka safe on the Southside, Helen has asked me to tell you she is nay (neiggghhhhhh) impressed with you for your crudely hidden jibes at Northsiders. While you attest that you know her in a social capacity, you then blurt out Helen's sexual preferences outing the true obviously more intimate nature of your acquaintance, well, no more! Helen says that from now on you're no more bonky honky donkey, and let that be a lesson to you!
Not surprisingly, it was Aunty kitten who offered the only practical suggestions to Helen on how she could deal with this horrific honking dilemma. Kitten; first of all thank you for your insight as to why this might be happening. It was comforting indeed for Helen to know she was not alone in her ordeal.
But most of all thank you for your practical solutions. Helen, since she didn't have two old car horns to hand decided to go with your first suggestion:
'grab the pervs manhood in a similar enthusiastic nature and "honk that horn", this should if anything prevent the perv from commuting a similar act on Helen. My own research has discovered pervs like their "horn" handled and once touched they can be rendered powerless or at least distracted for some time until relief has been achieved'
Just last night Helen arranged a meet with one of her favourite regular gentleman friends from swing. She looked forward all day to putting your plan into place and thus thwarting his stonking honking. Helen even agreed to be enteratined at the gentleman's house even though that involved crossing the river, something Helen (understandably) is never keen to do. As is customary in their relations, they had a drink before proceeding to the bedroom. Some fun was had and some time had passed before Helen saw the gentleman's pulsed hands furtively reach for her boobs. Quick thinking Helen did just as you suggested: reached out and enthusiastically honked his horn with all her might.
The gentleman's reaction was as swift as it was shocking. He doubled over and rolled back and forth in a most unusual way. Although kitten, to be fair, you did allude to the possibility of the guy being rendered powerless, nothing had prepared Helen for quite the extent of the lack of power that ensued. Helen smiled to herself that you had been completely right! No boobs were honked, so Helen was happy. And obviously the gentleman must be have been happy too, having his 'horn' handled as you suggested, he was certainly groaning at volume in much the same way Helen herself does in the throes of passionate ecstasy. So, what happened next is truly bizarre.
Helen was smirking in delight at the success of your solution Kitty, when the gentleman managed to regain some control of his body. He turned his head, looked her in the eyes, and deafeningly bellowed 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GRINNING AT YOU FUCKING SADIST CUNT? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH'. Now, perhaps that is how people speak to each other on the Southside but really and truly that is not how Northsiders behave. Helen and I are both mystified, astounded, astonished, flabbergasted. Can you please explain what went wrong? Or is this how some sort strange Southside post mating ritual?
Yours,
Baffled in Baldoyle:shock::shock: :shock::shock::shock::shock: :shock::shock::shock: :shock::shock::shock: :shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock:.
Thank you for taking the time to consider Helen's plight and for your helpful responses. With regards to your confident, expert diagnosis, you'd never guess that you weren't qualified psychologists:jagsatwork: - kudos
Wup, aka mindful in Malahide, Helen said to say she knows you better as Perv in Portmarnock and if she sees you out 'bird' watching with your binoculars again when she's out for some outdoor fun she'll transmogrify your woodpecker into a willy wagtail and that'll teach you! She was glad however, that you were an eye witness to the injuries she has suffered to her boobs from all this honking; although, she did ask me to point out that the bruises on her tits were a variety of colours, a veritable rainbow, not just the blue that you mention.
Ding, aka safe on the Southside, Helen has asked me to tell you she is nay (neiggghhhhhh) impressed with you for your crudely hidden jibes at Northsiders. While you attest that you know her in a social capacity, you then blurt out Helen's sexual preferences outing the true obviously more intimate nature of your acquaintance, well, no more! Helen says that from now on you're no more bonky honky donkey, and let that be a lesson to you!
Not surprisingly, it was Aunty kitten who offered the only practical suggestions to Helen on how she could deal with this horrific honking dilemma. Kitten; first of all thank you for your insight as to why this might be happening. It was comforting indeed for Helen to know she was not alone in her ordeal.
But most of all thank you for your practical solutions. Helen, since she didn't have two old car horns to hand decided to go with your first suggestion:
'grab the pervs manhood in a similar enthusiastic nature and "honk that horn", this should if anything prevent the perv from commuting a similar act on Helen. My own research has discovered pervs like their "horn" handled and once touched they can be rendered powerless or at least distracted for some time until relief has been achieved'
Just last night Helen arranged a meet with one of her favourite regular gentleman friends from swing. She looked forward all day to putting your plan into place and thus thwarting his stonking honking. Helen even agreed to be enteratined at the gentleman's house even though that involved crossing the river, something Helen (understandably) is never keen to do. As is customary in their relations, they had a drink before proceeding to the bedroom. Some fun was had and some time had passed before Helen saw the gentleman's pulsed hands furtively reach for her boobs. Quick thinking Helen did just as you suggested: reached out and enthusiastically honked his horn with all her might.
The gentleman's reaction was as swift as it was shocking. He doubled over and rolled back and forth in a most unusual way. Although kitten, to be fair, you did allude to the possibility of the guy being rendered powerless, nothing had prepared Helen for quite the extent of the lack of power that ensued. Helen smiled to herself that you had been completely right! No boobs were honked, so Helen was happy. And obviously the gentleman must be have been happy too, having his 'horn' handled as you suggested, he was certainly groaning at volume in much the same way Helen herself does in the throes of passionate ecstasy. So, what happened next is truly bizarre.
Helen was smirking in delight at the success of your solution Kitty, when the gentleman managed to regain some control of his body. He turned his head, looked her in the eyes, and deafeningly bellowed 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GRINNING AT YOU FUCKING SADIST CUNT? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH'. Now, perhaps that is how people speak to each other on the Southside but really and truly that is not how Northsiders behave. Helen and I are both mystified, astounded, astonished, flabbergasted. Can you please explain what went wrong? Or is this how some sort strange Southside post mating ritual?
Yours,
Baffled in Baldoyle:shock::shock: :shock::shock::shock::shock: :shock::shock::shock: :shock::shock::shock: :shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock:.
Dear Aunties and Uncles; Happy Valentine's day!
Previous :love: Valentine's days were so straightforward. What is the etiquette now that I'm involved in this lifestyle - should I send a valentine to my select favourite few gentlemen of swing? And what of the ladies? there's one or two ladies that I'm now feeling er. affectionate towards too?. I've whittled it down to a shortlist of 473. What's the next step?
Perplexed in Portmarnock.
hhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh:
Previous :love: Valentine's days were so straightforward. What is the etiquette now that I'm involved in this lifestyle - should I send a valentine to my select favourite few gentlemen of swing? And what of the ladies? there's one or two ladies that I'm now feeling er. affectionate towards too?. I've whittled it down to a shortlist of 473. What's the next step?
Perplexed in Portmarnock.
hhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh::xhhuh: LoL ...
If its 473 i think you are going to need to get a wiggle on with it and get it sorted.
Even at 30 seconds a message you just might get finished in a few hours, but your a very capable lady so im sure its no problem to you .....
Would hate to be left out of the 473 ......
I watch my mailbox with antisipation and in hope !!!!
Dear Aunt Eden,
I hope this letter finds you well ?.
I have a situation in which i find myself preety stressed out by ...Hopefully you may have some words of wisdom to shine on the problem.. I Hope so.....OK Here it is
Recently I met a lady who I liked but never really sealed the deal when it came to the see you again dept .. I,m a shy person as you know and never got to tell her I just wanted to experience some fun and frolics with her and now I am left with thoughts and dreams I want to TRY WITH HER ....
This has lead to me now been obsessed with desire and I feel she liked me but if I told her this she may thing im a perv.... ok so an advice on this matter would be appericated ....
logger in lostland xx:und:
Dear Logger,
I'm sorry to read that you are so shy about telling the lady that you'd like another chance to meet. It sounds like you met up and perhaps you could try and repeat your meeting? There's nothing wrong with creating a second chance for you both. It's possible that she is thinking the same thing... she could be having deep fantasies about rummaging around in your drawers, while you butter her baps.
It's never too late to tell her that you enjoyed your meeting and that you would like to do it again. It gives her a chance to politely decline, without feeling bad and it will give you a clear message either way. If she says yes, then you know she is interested too. GET IN!
So pluck up some courage and lay it all out on the table.
I hope that helps.
Dear Aunts and Uncles of swing,
I've had some correspondance from one of our fellow members frantic for the advice of the good aunts and uncles of swing. Now usually I don't help southsiders (for obvious reasons). But, I'm very fond of this particular member and so obviously I couldn't reasonably refuse to help.
Dingo writes 'I'm really enjoying the sunshine here in Perth and think I'd rather stay sitting by the pool than get a job. However in order to do this I need to raise a bit of cash. I've heard of people who sell kidneys etc. However, I'm a bit attached to my internal organs. I, on the other hand, have recently realised that I do not need my left leg. I'm always finding odd socks, I kick a rugby ball with my right foot, I'm a very good hopper, It doesn't affect my performance with the ladies and I can drive an automatic. Really, it's a no brainer.
Is there a market for left legs? If so, how much would I be likely to get for a long, lean, nicely tanned and toned leg, (shaving possible) and where should I go about selling / marketing the said leg?'
Thank you in advance for your help,
Desperate Dingo down under
I've had some correspondance from one of our fellow members frantic for the advice of the good aunts and uncles of swing. Now usually I don't help southsiders (for obvious reasons). But, I'm very fond of this particular member and so obviously I couldn't reasonably refuse to help.
Dingo writes 'I'm really enjoying the sunshine here in Perth and think I'd rather stay sitting by the pool than get a job. However in order to do this I need to raise a bit of cash. I've heard of people who sell kidneys etc. However, I'm a bit attached to my internal organs. I, on the other hand, have recently realised that I do not need my left leg. I'm always finding odd socks, I kick a rugby ball with my right foot, I'm a very good hopper, It doesn't affect my performance with the ladies and I can drive an automatic. Really, it's a no brainer.
Is there a market for left legs? If so, how much would I be likely to get for a long, lean, nicely tanned and toned leg, (shaving possible) and where should I go about selling / marketing the said leg?'
Thank you in advance for your help,
Desperate Dingo down under
Ahem.....(clears throat) :small-print:
Dear Desperate Dingo Down Under,
Jaysus, are things really that bad Down Under?? :violin:
Errrr what use is a left leg without a right one?? Now, for you to get me to part with my hard earned cash, you'd really need to be offering me an arm and a leg, if you get my meaning 
However, seeing as your spending your days by the pool,I reckon you'd be far better off downing a bottle of vodka, much better way to get legless :giggle::giggle:
:drinkies:
Wise in the West (of Dublin) :haha::haha::haha:
However, seeing as your spending your days by the pool,I reckon you'd be far better off downing a bottle of vodka, much better way to get legless :giggle::giggle::drinkies:
Wise in the West (of Dublin) :haha::haha::haha: 
Warming the Bed
Dear Dextrous Dingo Down under,
It seems the market for left legs may not be very lucrative, shaved or not, so here's a new idea.... chop it off and say "A Dingo Ate My Leg". before you know it, you'll have a movie deal, a discovery documentary, interviews on all the aussie morning tv shows and you could compete in the rugby for the paralympics!
You'll be minted 
Don't forget us when you're rich and famous
Don't forget us when you're rich and famous Dearest Eden,
Its great to see you back, even in these tough times for us all, your on the sick ,on the dole and double jobbing like any good Northside Girl would
My problem is this ........ How we were brought up and what are our Sexpectations ....
I recently met a lovely lady of low to no morals from the site, we had met before and I was looking forward to knocking the dust off the Ding Gym so to speak ....
Anyway, I arrived and before we knew it (all proper problem pages have that in it) were naked, its steamy, and all bits are in proper mechanical order. A good 2 and a half minutes later the crushendo is reached (by both parties of course) and if I smoked I'd have gladly puffed on a Cuban .... then as is "normally" the case with me my Ding Gym Apparatus remains in the vertical position, happy to be utilised if so wished .....as i'm used to and as I was brought up to expect .... but much to my disappointment I was told in no uncertain terms
"Your not putting that yoke inside me again for at least 15mins" then to add injury to insult i was asked "... and are you sure you didnt pop a pill before u came here?" ,,, I mean if a third party was in the room they'd have seen my absolute horror at the thought of a Southsider taking drugs, especially drugs from the Internet .....
Me being a trained councilor decided to broach the subject with said lAdy of low to no morals ..... So I nestled in and did all the snuggly buggly stuff and was told to "stop prodding me with the tripod - I need a break" ..... I have never felt so at a loose end ...
I tried making the Duvet into a two man tent was told to stop.... It was wet outside, so I hung some of the damp clothes off the end of it, but it looked like a flag pole....I started flicking channels on telly with it, was told to stop ...... that 15mins was like FOREVER...I eventually got the green light to get on board again and made sure it lasted about 4 mins this time...
So my point ...Is it normal for a Male Sex ORgan to remain Erect beyound the Crucendo?
Does everyone need a break? ..... Are there Any good tips on the use of an Erect MAle sex Organ awaiting permission to re-enter the Lady GArden...
Deflated in Dalkey
Its great to see you back, even in these tough times for us all, your on the sick ,on the dole and double jobbing like any good Northside Girl would
My problem is this ........ How we were brought up and what are our Sexpectations ....
I recently met a lovely lady of low to no morals from the site, we had met before and I was looking forward to knocking the dust off the Ding Gym so to speak ....
Anyway, I arrived and before we knew it (all proper problem pages have that in it) were naked, its steamy, and all bits are in proper mechanical order. A good 2 and a half minutes later the crushendo is reached (by both parties of course) and if I smoked I'd have gladly puffed on a Cuban .... then as is "normally" the case with me my Ding Gym Apparatus remains in the vertical position, happy to be utilised if so wished .....as i'm used to and as I was brought up to expect .... but much to my disappointment I was told in no uncertain terms
"Your not putting that yoke inside me again for at least 15mins" then to add injury to insult i was asked "... and are you sure you didnt pop a pill before u came here?" ,,, I mean if a third party was in the room they'd have seen my absolute horror at the thought of a Southsider taking drugs, especially drugs from the Internet .....
Me being a trained councilor decided to broach the subject with said lAdy of low to no morals ..... So I nestled in and did all the snuggly buggly stuff and was told to "stop prodding me with the tripod - I need a break" ..... I have never felt so at a loose end ...
I tried making the Duvet into a two man tent was told to stop.... It was wet outside, so I hung some of the damp clothes off the end of it, but it looked like a flag pole....I started flicking channels on telly with it, was told to stop ...... that 15mins was like FOREVER...I eventually got the green light to get on board again and made sure it lasted about 4 mins this time...
So my point ...Is it normal for a Male Sex ORgan to remain Erect beyound the Crucendo?
Does everyone need a break? ..... Are there Any good tips on the use of an Erect MAle sex Organ awaiting permission to re-enter the Lady GArden...
Deflated in Dalkey
and let u stick up yer me tent with yer pole :whistle :kissDear Deflated in Dalkey,:high-smile:
I have read your post to Agony Aunt Eden and sense a deep feeling of despair and trauma on your part from your recent experience. I understand that rejection even in the form 'not for 15 mins'can damage the male ego when both he and his pelvic brain are in the Warrior mode. In response to your two main questions I have done some well informed medical research.
Firstly you ask is it normal for a Male Sex Organ to remain Erect beyond the crescendo? And does everyone need a break?
My medical response to this is that after the crescendo both the male and female experience the refractory period. See below for further information on this...
The Refractory period
Most men experience a refractory period immediately following an orgasm, during which time they are unable to achieve another erection, and a longer period again before they are capable of achieving another ejaculation. During this time a male feels a deep and often pleasurable sense of relaxation, usually felt in the groin and thighs. The duration of the refractory period varies considerably, even for a given individual. Age affects the recovery time, with younger men typically recovering faster than older men, though not universally so.
However, some men are able to achieve sufficient sexual arousal immediately after ejaculation, and others may have refractory periods of fewer than 15 minutes. A short recovery period may allow them to seamlessly continue sexual play from one ejaculation to sexual stimulation in preparation for the next. However, other men are averse to stimulation during the early part of the refractory period.
There are men who are able to achieve multiple orgasms, with or without the typical sequence of ejaculation and refractory period. Some of those men report not noticing refractory periods, or are able to maintain erection by "sustaining sexual activity with a full erection until they passed their refractory time for orgasm when they proceeded to have a second or third orgasm".
After reading this information I hope you realise how extremely lucky you are to experience a sustained erection in the refractory period. And so to the woman 'with little or no morals' defence. (I do feel that this is a slight unfair description you gave of her....in fairness I've never witnessed a demonstration of morals on your behalf...but we won't go there today). This poor woman may be more accustomed to the male swinger experiencing a Real refractory period, therefore giving her time to regain her composure, fix her hair, reapply the lippy and jump on board again at the first signs of resurrection of the erection.
Now to address your second question, Tips on the use of an Erect Male Sex Organ awaiting permission to re-enter the Lady Garden?
Well my own personal suggestions are forget the prodding....she needs her own refractory period. As for the Duvet/Tent....the roof will fall in when the erection dies...worst building project ever! So my suggestions are push the hoover around with it, please your woman in other ways...sure way to get an invite back to the lady garden again when she sees how useful you can be.
Now to address one more issue you raised - the fact that the female accussed a southsider of drug taking to sustain the erect male organ. One word for this Priapism. look it up...you may need treatment
Yours
(current researching medical issues)
Sparks
I have read your post to Agony Aunt Eden and sense a deep feeling of despair and trauma on your part from your recent experience. I understand that rejection even in the form 'not for 15 mins'can damage the male ego when both he and his pelvic brain are in the Warrior mode. In response to your two main questions I have done some well informed medical research.
Firstly you ask is it normal for a Male Sex Organ to remain Erect beyond the crescendo? And does everyone need a break?
My medical response to this is that after the crescendo both the male and female experience the refractory period. See below for further information on this...
The Refractory period
Most men experience a refractory period immediately following an orgasm, during which time they are unable to achieve another erection, and a longer period again before they are capable of achieving another ejaculation. During this time a male feels a deep and often pleasurable sense of relaxation, usually felt in the groin and thighs. The duration of the refractory period varies considerably, even for a given individual. Age affects the recovery time, with younger men typically recovering faster than older men, though not universally so.
However, some men are able to achieve sufficient sexual arousal immediately after ejaculation, and others may have refractory periods of fewer than 15 minutes. A short recovery period may allow them to seamlessly continue sexual play from one ejaculation to sexual stimulation in preparation for the next. However, other men are averse to stimulation during the early part of the refractory period.
There are men who are able to achieve multiple orgasms, with or without the typical sequence of ejaculation and refractory period. Some of those men report not noticing refractory periods, or are able to maintain erection by "sustaining sexual activity with a full erection until they passed their refractory time for orgasm when they proceeded to have a second or third orgasm".
After reading this information I hope you realise how extremely lucky you are to experience a sustained erection in the refractory period. And so to the woman 'with little or no morals' defence. (I do feel that this is a slight unfair description you gave of her....in fairness I've never witnessed a demonstration of morals on your behalf...but we won't go there today
). This poor woman may be more accustomed to the male swinger experiencing a Real refractory period, therefore giving her time to regain her composure, fix her hair, reapply the lippy and jump on board again at the first signs of resurrection of the erection.Now to address your second question, Tips on the use of an Erect Male Sex Organ awaiting permission to re-enter the Lady Garden?
Well my own personal suggestions are forget the prodding....she needs her own refractory period. As for the Duvet/Tent....the roof will fall in when the erection dies...worst building project ever! So my suggestions are push the hoover around with it, please your woman in other ways...sure way to get an invite back to the lady garden again when she sees how useful you can be.
Now to address one more issue you raised - the fact that the female accussed a southsider of drug taking to sustain the erect male organ. One word for this Priapism. look it up...you may need treatment
Yours
(current researching medical issues)
Sparks
Dear deflated in Dalkey,
Your talk of totem poles and wigwams (or flag poles and two man tents – whatever) reminds me of a little story.
There once was a cowgirl (a young lady incidentally, of low to no morals) who had been riding her horse nonstop across the great plains on her way to the wild west (yes, Tallaghtfornia). Both she and her horse had gone days without sleep. As she rode in to one of the few towns on her trip she decided to stop in at the saloon and get a shot of whiskey to satisfy her thirst. As she got off her horse she realised that since her horse had not slept in a few days it might fall asleep now that they had finally stopped and it might take a few hours to wake her horse up.
She grabbed a young Indian who just happened to be walking by, flashed some cleavage, told him of her predicament, copped a quick feel before asking the Indian if he could run back and forth in front of her horse to keep it awake while she was tending her thirst in the bar. The Indian (er. obviously) agreed. After a few drinks the cowgirl, of low to no morals, forgot about the trip as she made friends (ahem) and drank down round after round in the bar. As the hours passed a cowboy entered the front door of the saloon and shouted 'who owns the brown and white horse out front?'. The cowgirl answered "I do, so what about it?" Well, replied the cowboy 'you left your Injin' running'.
So Ding, this little cowgirl of low to no morals, basically left you running. You've been had! May I suggest you check the credentials more carefully of any new cowgirls that come your way and adopt a stricter vetting system. This cowgirl was clearly all hat and no cattle.
It is perfectly reasonable to expect a marathon in the Ding gym – you're the instructor – YOU call the shots. If this cowgirl wants interval training, send her elsewhere. No, Ding everyone does not need a break? Ding, I know you're a kindly soul, a softie southsider; I can imagine you don't have the heart to revoke this cowgirl, of low to no stamina of her ding gym membership. If this is the case, then the only acceptable conditions in my mind of retaining her membership are that she bring along a few of her mates to entertain you while awaiting permission to re-enter the lady garden. Or preferably get yourself a good northside cowgirl ding, we're all over it, like white on rice.
Hi ho Silver, Ride 'em cowboy (like ya stole 'em)
Sufficient stamina in Sutton
Your talk of totem poles and wigwams (or flag poles and two man tents – whatever) reminds me of a little story.
There once was a cowgirl (a young lady incidentally, of low to no morals) who had been riding her horse nonstop across the great plains on her way to the wild west (yes, Tallaghtfornia). Both she and her horse had gone days without sleep. As she rode in to one of the few towns on her trip she decided to stop in at the saloon and get a shot of whiskey to satisfy her thirst. As she got off her horse she realised that since her horse had not slept in a few days it might fall asleep now that they had finally stopped and it might take a few hours to wake her horse up.
She grabbed a young Indian who just happened to be walking by, flashed some cleavage, told him of her predicament, copped a quick feel before asking the Indian if he could run back and forth in front of her horse to keep it awake while she was tending her thirst in the bar. The Indian (er. obviously) agreed. After a few drinks the cowgirl, of low to no morals, forgot about the trip as she made friends (ahem) and drank down round after round in the bar. As the hours passed a cowboy entered the front door of the saloon and shouted 'who owns the brown and white horse out front?'. The cowgirl answered "I do, so what about it?" Well, replied the cowboy 'you left your Injin' running'.
So Ding, this little cowgirl of low to no morals, basically left you running. You've been had! May I suggest you check the credentials more carefully of any new cowgirls that come your way and adopt a stricter vetting system. This cowgirl was clearly all hat and no cattle.
It is perfectly reasonable to expect a marathon in the Ding gym – you're the instructor – YOU call the shots. If this cowgirl wants interval training, send her elsewhere. No, Ding everyone does not need a break? Ding, I know you're a kindly soul, a softie southsider; I can imagine you don't have the heart to revoke this cowgirl, of low to no stamina of her ding gym membership. If this is the case, then the only acceptable conditions in my mind of retaining her membership are that she bring along a few of her mates to entertain you while awaiting permission to re-enter the lady garden. Or preferably get yourself a good northside cowgirl ding, we're all over it, like white on rice.
Hi ho Silver, Ride 'em cowboy (like ya stole 'em)
Sufficient stamina in Sutton
